Kraemer

Speechless

2009-07-28T22:48:00.007-05:00

Have you ever been in situations when you have wanted to say something but you can't find the words to say what you really mean??? That's where I'm at these days. As I stumble through this process of grief, so many emotions run through my mind. I feel sad and want to talk to people about what's going on, but I find it difficult to explain what it is that I'm feeling. There are the emotions that are typically associated with grief (sadness, anger, etc.) but I believe that I am at the point of frustration because there is nothing that I can do to change the situation. This has made me feel extremely unsettled. I am beside myself because of the feelings of helplessness. I feel as if I want to run away from my thoughts. My mind races as I prepare to go to sleep each night and my eyes fight off the urge to close because I don't want to be reminded of the truth. Sometimes I feel as if I have lost my mind....I feel like a rat in a maze because there is no way out of this road called grief. I hate travelling down this road because of so many reasons...I don't want to be here, I don't want to have to face reality, I don't want to face the fact that I am parentless, I don't want to have to work so hard at finding a new "normal", I don't particularly like change, I hate feeling the way that I do, I hate the fact that I don't seem to have as much joy in my heart like I used to, there is one less person in my family, holidays will once again take on a different look................

In spite of everything and no mattter how much I complain and try to fight this off, I have no choice but to face this head on. If I continue to push this to the back of my mind, it will continue to rear it's ugly head. There will continue to be heartache, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. but it will not have such a stronghold on me if I face the monster called grief. I'm not ready for this. I feel as if I am a 5 year old ready to throw a tantrum because I can't get my way. In essence, that is really the case. I can't get my mom back. I can't get my dad back. Life has changed. People don't live forever. Death is a part of life. Life isn't easy. Life isn't fair.

Unspoken

2009-07-26T21:38:00.009-05:00

Does anyone really get it??? How does one put it into words? How do you try to explain what you're going through to those who have not suffered a serious, substantial loss? I want to talk about it but why does it seem like I get the urge to talk around 1:00 a.m.?? No one is awake but me as I toss and turn, not wanting to close my eyes. Somehow if I keep them open, maybe the thoughts won't flood my mind like a waterfall. Perhaps if I stay awake, maybe it won't seem real...perhaps the horrible memory won't return like an unwanted guest...perhaps the outline on the carpet won't really be there...perhaps the smell of death won't greet me as I walk through the door of the condo...perhaps I won't see the black fingerprints on the wall where the M.E. and the detectives leaned on in order to maintain their balance...perhaps I won't remember the jazz music playing as I walked into the condo...perhaps when I turn to my right I won't see the dead body, discolored from being there for 5 days...perhaps I won't remember listening to the voicemail messages on his phone, clearly filled with worry and concern from friends & family...perhaps I won't remember the yellow tarp that lay across his body...perhaps I won't recall seeing the funeral home people wheeling him out of the condo...perhaps I won't remember the 9-1-1 call that I made...perhaps I won't remember calling Scott to let him know what had just happened...perhaps I won't remember calling Jill at work to let her know about my dad...............perhaps one day I will face this grief head on.............

Something in Common

2009-07-25T22:24:00.007-05:00

I talked, she listened. She wondered how I was doing, how I was feeling, how my trip to Door County was without my dad. Questions about my trip to Guatemala as well as what the rest of my plans were for the summer.

I talked about some of the things that reminded me of my dad...golfing, our passion for sports, our choice of careers, the books that we both liked to read...I have recently run across several people that knew my dad - it was great to hear all of the nice things that they had to say about my dad.

As I was talking, I had to pause in order to swallow the big lump that had formed in my throat. A tear trickled down my cheek as she looked at me with understanding eyes. I glanced at her and noticed that tears were forming in her eyes. I stopped to grab a tissue from the table next to me. As I did this, she spoke softly and told me that her dad had died unexpectedly a month ago so she could understand what I was going through. I felt so sad for her and wanted to get up from the couch and give her a huge hug but I knew that I couldn't. I whispered that I was sorry about her dad as I watched her dab her eyes with a kleenex. A few more tears fell from my eyes and at that moment, I felt as if time had stopped. We sat for a moment in silence as she gathered herself. My heart went out to her...

As I left the office, I couldn't stop thinking about her and the sorrow she felt because of her dad's death. I drove away knowing that she was now travelling down that road we call "grief".

Spring Break

2009-04-12T19:37:00.003-05:00

Those 2 words are music to my ears! This year it felt like it would NEVER get here. A week or so ago we had flurries in the air - c'mon, folks, can we get a break with the weather here????? My hope is that, being that we are half way through the month of April, I will get to enjoy some warmer temperatures! I would absolutely LOVE to get outside and ride my bike or hit the nearest golf course (I would of course need to wipe the cob webs off both of those items as they have been tucked away in my basement for far too long).

This is day 3 of my break...as I sit on my couch watching the rubber match between the Brewers and Cubs, I reflect on what I have filled my days with. Time goes by so quickly during break and I really just want to take time for myself because I have been on quite the rollercoaster ride for the last 2 months.

Things have settled down with regards to taking care of business with my dad. I've started coaching softball which adds a dimension of craziness to my life. A week and a half ago I had an emergency root canal (my follow up appointment for my crown is Tuesday - ughhhhhhh). Work is crazy busy - when isn't it though??? (I'm thankful that I have a job in these difficult economic times so I'm NOT complaining).

With all that said, I truly am looking forward to simply doing what I want, when I want. I will make a conscious effort to "schedule" quiet time in my day instead of filling every waking moment with errands, coffee dates, lunch dates, etc. For any of you that are also on spring break this week, I hope that you will find time to simply be so that you can rest, relax and rejuvenate yourselves.

PEACE!!!!!!!!

Gone

2009-03-04T19:19:00.004-06:00

Wow...I can't believe how much time has gone by since my last post. Much has changed since January 28th. My world was rocked by the sudden, unexpected death of my dad on Feb. 10th. The reality of life without any parents has not completely sunk in yet, nor the circumstances surrounding my dad's death. It's still not real. I cannot get the picture of my dad out of my head because I was the one that found him in his condominium. How can he be gone, just like that???

The feeling of disbelief was overwhelming as I dialed 9-1-1 to alert the police to the situation that I walked into. The paramedics arrived followed by a police officer. I met them outside and directed them into my dad's condo. After the paramedics confirmed my dad's death, I was deluged by a series of questions. I methodically and stoically rattled off the pertinent information to the police officer and the two detectives that had just arrived on the scene. Name, address, phone number, date of birth.................I then matter-of-factly continued to provide the information about my father to them. I can't seem to get that image out of my head. Why was I the one that had to find him there????

We contacted the medical examiner - a necessary evil so that we would have an official time and date of death. Does it truly matter in the scheme of things. If you want to get technical, he actually died on Friday, Feb. 6th but we couldn't use that as the date because no one was present to provide an "official" t.o.d. (for those of you CSI watchers you know what I'm talkin' 'bout....time of death in case you were wondering). Anyway, I won't get into any more of the details. The only thing that matters is that he is gone, just like that.

Our life here on earth is just a vapor....nothing compared to what our lives will be in heaven. As I struggle to get that last image of my dad out of my mind, I turn to God for peace, healing and understanding. I dive into his Word so that I continue to be encouraged by His promises to His children here on earth. I've travelled down this road of grief before but this time, I am far more equipped because I have God alongside of me. Because of this, I am truly blessed. While I struggle to understand what has happened over the course of the last three weeks, I am reminded that God will never leave my side and that His ways are not my ways.

Do they have any clue???

2009-01-28T21:25:00.007-06:00

This has been on my mind quite a bit lately so I thought this would be perfect blog material. Nothing like an outlet for random, rambling thinking. My question to you is this: Do annoying people realize just how annoying they really are to the rest of the world??? Before I continue on, I will freely admit that I am fully aware that my actions may be seen as annoying at times. I do make a concerted effort to be respectful of those around me so I don't become "another one of those annoying people".

Let me throw out a few examples of the people that I am referring to that you may have run across at some point in your life:

* the non-stop sniffler on the airplane. Have you ever thought about using a Kleenex??

* the car in the left lane driving 55 m.p.h. - do you ever wonder why people are blowing by you and shooting you dirty looks????

* while I'm on the subject of drivers...how about the driver that LOVES to ride your bumper?? Nothing like not being able to see the headlights on the car BEHIND you on an icy road. Can you say "accident waiting to happen"? Insurance companies LOVE these drivers!

* or how about the person that refuses to allow you to merge?? I must say, I LOVE the feeling of drag racing a semi in order to merge onto the freeway - NOT! What's up with that????

* the LOUD talker at the coffee shop....you know what?? I'm really not that interested in what is going on in your life so STOP screaming! Everyone else just wanted to stop in and enjoy a relaxing cup of hot coffee amidst the low buzzing of random voices. Did you notice I said "LOW"???

* the incessant talkers during staff meetings..Come on people! You're all teachers! How annoying is it when your kids are talking in class while you are trying to teach??? Enough said!

* while I'm on the subject of talkers......don't you love it when people talk on their cell phones like they are in the privacy of their own home while in a doctor's office waiting room???? Have a little courtesy for those around you and either leave the area or make the call very BRIEF!!! T.M.I. from strangers!

* I know that we are taught that there are NO dumb questions but I beg to differ! There are SOME dumb questions. You know them when you hear them. Those are the questions that people ask that are typically not paying attention to what is going on around them or perhaps they really are clueless! Ughhhhhhhhhh.

* people that continually complain about the cold temperatures and snow. Ummm, "Hello"...you do live in Wisconsin. What are you expecting???? This weather happens every year so why the surprise when we get 8-10 inches of snow on any given day during October-April??? Why the shock when we are dealing with below zero temperatures???? This isn't Hawaii! What was your first clue????????

I'm tuckered out just thinking of how frustrating it is to deal with said individuals. Gotta run. To be continued........

Tears

2009-01-14T21:32:00.014-06:00

From the distance, I saw her sitting on the leather couch in the airport lobby with a blank look on her face. Her brown eyes looked vacant as she stared off into space. Her face remained expressionless; the television blared in the background as children raced around the lobby. I eased into an empty seat near her. I quickly glanced over at her out of the corner of my eye and saw tears rolling down her cheek. I fumbled around in my bag, hurriedly looking for a kleenex to hand to her.

Why was she crying?? Why was she so sad?? I reached out my hand and gave her my pack of kleenex; she slowly reached over and took hold of the small, clear package. She quietly said "Thank you", never once allowing her eyes to meet mine. She kept her head down and wiped away the tears that were now streaming down her face uncontrollably. I tried not to stare at the young lady sobbing on the couch but couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of her. What was it that was making her so sad? What happened in her life? Did something happen to a family member? Did she just receive some horrible news about a friend? As I was about to ask her what was wrong, I heard a cell phone ring. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the ringing phone. She listened carefully and hung up without saying a word. As I was about to ask if she was O.K., she got up from the couch, grabbed her bags and left; tears still streaming down her face. I tried to catch up to her but lost her in the crowd.......

I suddenly opened my eyes and realized that my pillow was damp. I touched my cheek and felt the water streaming down my left side. Those tears were my tears. I reached for a kleenex to wipe them away but they kept coming like raindrops in the midst of a spring shower. The emptiness returned and the sadness overwhelmed me once again.........

Address Labels

2008-12-11T21:27:00.003-06:00

Are you like me when it comes to address labels? If I lived to be 1,000 years old I still would NOT use up all of the address labels I have acquired over the course of a few short years! It is sooooooooo out of control!!! Approximately every three days, I receive a solicitation for money, along with a page or two of lovely address labels. I have labels with hearts, cats, dogs, flowers, flags, random little people, Olympic symbols, holiday scenes, summer/spring/winter/fall scenes, the initial in bold print of my last name, etc...... I know I have many more but I can't keep track of all of the labels anymore....it's overwhelming. While I happen to be "old school" in the letter writing department (yes, I am one of the few and the proud that keep the mailmen and women toting around my letters to friends and family), there is no way humanly possible to use up ALL of the labels that I have jammed into my junk drawer. I have now begun to attach two labels to every letter and bill that leaves the comfort of my home just to reduce my label supply!

Some of you out there may be scratching your head for several reasons. You're probably thinking, "Why don't you just throw them out when they arrive??". Welllllllllllllllll, I'm somewhat (I will use that term loosely) of a "pack rat"; therefore, I have a difficult time throwing them out because I think, "Surely there will be an occassion when this particular label will be perfect (i.e., the label with the candle and cake for a birthday card, the snowman label for Christmas cards, the label with the golf balls for my friend that is an avid golfer, etc....). Can you see where I'm coming from??? Makes sense, right???

Another question that may have popped up is, "Why are you not in the 21st century where address labels are pretty much obsolete due to the internet, e-banking, on line bill payment options, e-mail, text messaging, etc.?" Once again I will plead "old school". I like to have control over things pertaining to my bills, banking and the like so I don't want all my "business" out there (yeah, yeah, I know all of you hackers just scoff at me because within 5 minutes you could probably find out everything about me, including the fact that I have a glass eye (O.K. j.k. - I really don't have a glass eye but you get my drift). Let's be honest...who here does not love receiving a card or letter from a friend or family member in the mail??? Letter writing is a lost art. Typically, I don't get anything very exciting delivered to my mailbox other than bills, the usual SURPLUS of junk mail and of course, MORE address labels!!!!!!!!

Perhaps my 'New Years Resolution" (if I ever make one) should be to rid my drawers of all those address labels. Wait, I just thought of another use for the labels...I could use the labels instead of scotch tape to wrap my Christmas presents this year. If I did that, everyone would know who their gift came from!!!! What do you think??? What a great idea!!! Does that count as "going green"?? Just think, I won't need to use all of the gift tags that I have purchased over the years during the after Christmas holiday clearance sales. I have more gift tags then I could ever use.....that will be my next post. Ughhhhhhhhh, when will this ever end?????? Don't they have medication for people like me????????????

Time Flies

2008-11-21T21:38:00.004-06:00

Wow - I can't believe that almost a month has gone by since my last post! I guess that's what happens when summer ends and school begins. I don't have the 3 or 4 hours that I did this summer to sit around and peruse blogs and update my own blog everyday.

As I sit here on my couch on this frigid Friday evening, I feel compelled to update my blog. I'm in a quandry as to what I should write about, however. Do I write about the economy??? No - BORING and a bit too depressing (and to think I was a business major! What was I thinking??).

I could write about the falling gas prices. I drove by a gas station where gas was $1.72. I nearly ran into the car in front of me while I craned my neck to double check the price on the sign. Weren't we almost nearing $4.50 a gallon a month or two ago. How does that happen? Oh, that's right...I vowed to not talk about the economy (my condolences to those of you out there that are economists. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!).

Hmmmm, let's see, what else is there to write about??? Politics?? Absolutely NOT. All that talk is too political for me. I'm all for doing the "eeny meany miney moe" method of selection. It seemed to work just find for games of tag, kick the can, etc.

Deer huntin'??? Nuttin' like the start of deer huntin' weekend to get the blood flowing like fire through the veins. Up in these there parts it's a sea of blaze orange. It gives new meaning to "Blinded by the Light"!!! For the record, I'll have you know that I have never taken part in any form of hunting (other than for Easter eggs) and have no desire to, nor do I have a desire to eat a bi-product of the above mentioned animal (i.e., jerkie, steaks, etc.). The thought of "Bambi" on the grill makes my skin crawl! YUCK!

There's always the weather.....that would be pretty boring since my post would be one single word: COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remind me again why I haven't moved from the balmy state of Wisconsin to somewhere more tropical. I despise chilly weather. As we speak, the number 20 appears in the right-hand corner of my t.v. screen followed by the degree symbol. Last time I checked there is no Eskimo blood flowing through my very frozen veins.

Oops, I almost forgot. Why not talk about Thanksgiving, seeing as it is 6 days away. What's your favorite thing to eat?? Is it the turkey itself? Are you a white meat eater or a dark meat eater?? Mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes??? Fresh cranberry sauce or the jellied kind that comes out of the can??? Pumpkin pie or apple pie? With or without whip cream????? So much food, so many choices. What's a person to do???

I know what I need to do and that is end this post for Friday, Nov. 21st, 2008. Hopefully this has gotten my creative juices flowing and I will be back to blogging more regularly. One can only hope!
Happy Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for???? Hey, that could be the topic for my next post.......what do you think???

A Year Without a Christmas

2008-10-24T21:48:00.005-05:00

I spoke to Ashley today regarding a problem that she was having in her math class. Math is a difficult subject for Ashley so we discussed the option of her moving from Algebra into Pre-Algebra. I gave her the class change form and told her to talk to her math teacher about her concerns and to get his input with regard to her switching classes. I signed off on her pass and was ready to send her on her merry way. When she turned to leave, I noticed a slight hesitation so I asked her if everything was O.K. She turned back towards me and said, "Well, I guess.....". I took that as my cue to ask her what was going on.

Ashley is a 14 year old 9th grader who was diagnosed with leukemia approximately two years ago. I have only known her for a few months but I can tell that she is an incredibly strong and courageous young lady, in spite of her dimunitive stature. She stands about 5'5" and weighs roughly 100 pounds (on a good day when she actually has an appetite to eat even the smallest amount of food). I don't know all of the specifics of what Ashley has been through the last two years but I have seen the scars from the treatments, I have had glimpses of her bald head underneath the wig that she wears everyday and I have seen her struggle to walk because of her ailing right hip (apparently a side effect of her leukemia and/or a result of the toll all of the medications she has had to take). It takes every ounce of strength for her to carry her backpack from class to class! One cannot help but fall in love with her enthusiasm for life and the optimism that exudes from her. What an AMAZING person young Ashley is!!!

I asked her how things were going with her leukemia and she said that things were fine, that she will now only have to go to the hospital once a month for her treatments, blood tests, etc. I took that to be a positive, and judging from the expression on her face and the tone of her voice, I assumed that I was right. I asked her how things were at home. Ashley hesitated a bit and said that her dad was in jail again. This was his third offense for driving under the influence. I asked her how she felt about this and she responded, "Well, he doesn't have a job, he sells the stuff in the house to get money for drugs and he's always so angry that it's best that he's not around." I tried not to let the surprise show on my face as I continued to ask her questions about her family. She has two younger siblings, a brother in 7th grade and a sister in 3rd grade. Her mom was working 3 jobs for awhile but got let go from 2 of them because times are so tough. Ashley then said to me, "My mom said that we probably won't have any Christmas presents this year. We may be able to get something from the dollar store." My heart broke for this girl who quickly seemed much younger than the 14 year old girl that she was. I swallowed hard and tried to blink away the tears that were forming in my eyes. The bell rang and she was ready to leave to go to her next class. I told her to have a nice weekend and then asked if she had any fun plans. Ashley responded with, "Well, we don't have any money so we really don't do anything." and with that, she was out the door.

There aren't many guarantees in life but I can guarantee that Ashley will be getting more than "something from the dollar store" this Christmas!!!! You can count on that!!

Pilates anyone?????

2008-10-11T19:32:00.015-05:00

I was at my local exercise establishment a few days ago and ran into a friend of mine while working out. Let me preface this last statement by mentioning that it has been waaaaaaaaaay too long since I last worked out. I had to wipe the cob webs off of my tennis shoes and dig between the cushions of my couch to find my membership card. Yeah - it's been awhile. With that in mind, I was trying to get a "light" work out in so that I wouldn't completely overdo it and pay for my overzealousness with a week of aches and pains in places that I didn't even know could hurt. Back to my encounter with my friend. She is a work out fiend. She is about 5'6" and maybe, maybe 100 lbs. She works out religiously everyday! The invitation to join her for a workout was a mistake on my part. On this particular afternoon she was doing a body pumps class. Have any of you ever partaken in one of these classes??? In theory, they are good......but in reality they are not so good for me. I am not opposed to exercise at all as evidenced by my health club membership. What I decided is that I am opposed to these structured exercise classes that are run by energetic, buff, fat-free women that are a bit too enthusiastic for my taste. I can hear the voice still resonating in my ears...."And one more time....let's hold that for a six count.", "Feel the burn, ladies.", "Three more sets, you can do it...", "Here we go now.", "Keep pushing yourselves...". I glance up at the clock and realize that 5 minutes, yes that's right, I said 5 minutes have gone by. Are you kidding me????? This class is an hour long class, there is absolutely NO way that I am going to survive for another 55 minutes.......The whole time I watched the clock, vowing that I would NOT stop until the clock reached 5:30 p.m. The last part of the workout consisted of sit ups which I thought I could handle. WRONG!! My abs, or should I say flabs, were on FIRE!!!! Seriously....I asked the woman next to me where the fire extinguisher in the room was located because I was being overcome by the smell of burning flesh. The good news is that I survived to tell about it. I don't think that I will be returning to the class; however, because I don't do well in structured settings!

The Fall Before the Storms

2008-10-06T17:10:00.006-05:00

Fall is an incredibly beautiful time in Wisconsin. Over the last week or two, I have really taken the opportunity to appreciate and marvel in the amazing change of colors that comes with the change of the seasons. Fall is officially here! The colors of the leaves on the trees are so vibrant, especially when the sunlight hits the leaves just right. There is nothing like a walk through the park on a crisp fall morning among the brightly colored trees. The smell of burning leaves is in the air and you can see your breath. A hot cop of coffee or apple cider afterwards just makes the morning complete. Just thinking about it makes me smile! Once in awhile we are even treated to an "Indian Summer" day where the temperature warms to a 65-70+ degrees and we can wear shorts for one more day. Another reason that I look forward to fall is the appearance of caramel apples (with nuts) on the store shelves. I LOVE CARAMEL APPLES - especially when the apples are really crunchy and a wee bit on the sour side. Yummy!!!!! I wish that time would stand still because once all those beautiful leaves have been raked up and blown into curbside piles....we move into yet another season ------WINTER (my least favorite of the four)!!!!!

Out of nowhere, the storm hits. The storm I'm referring to is the storm that brings the pretty white stuff that turns into something not so pretty once it is cleared off the roads by the snow plows. Snowy days and freezing temperatures become the norm. Wind chill factor, snow advisories and below zero temperatures are phrases that become part of our everyday vernacular. Shorts, sandals and t-shirts are now replaced with sweaters, jackets, hats, scarves, mittens and boots. My hope is that this winter will be less chilly, less snowy and over before I know it. Keep dreamin'!!!!!!!!

Return of the Blogger

2008-09-25T20:03:00.003-05:00

Well, I didn't realize that this many days had passed by since my last post (thanks for reminding me J.D.). The pace of life has definitely picked up since my return to work. No more lazy summer days, sleeping in, flying by the seat of my pants, driving like everyday is a "Sunday", coffee dates with friends in the mornings, relaxing all afternoon in a lawn chair with a good book. Oh, those certainly were the days.....

Now my life is 5:30 a.m. alarms going off (notice how I said alarms, plural...I am the "Snooze Queen". I really don't know how you moms do it!!!! You are AMAZING women!), brown bag lunches, wardrobe planning, ironing clothes, fighting the early morning traffic, "road rage".....Oh to be able to push the calendar back to mid-June (sigh).

I truly LOVE my job (Thank God for that!) but I also value my precious time off! Sometimes I wonder how I get anything done as far as house cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, running errands when I am back at work. It really is surprising (although right now my house looks like a tornado went through it right about now. I really NEEEEEEED to de-clutter! Back up the truck 'cause I got lots to get rid of....).

Well, that's all folks! Just thought I'd let you know that I'm still alive and that I haven't deserted the "Blog World".

Peace!

Hands Free

2008-09-13T22:04:00.002-05:00

I think I've seen it all now when it comes to multi-tasking....I was on my way to work this past week and was next to a car driven by a lady who was smoking a cigarette and talking on the phone. Not that big of a deal, right??? I personally am not a smoker, but I don't imagine that it's that big of a deal to smoke and talk on the phone while driving. Am I right??

I could not believe my eyes when she reached for her coffee cup and took a big gulp. Let's think about this for a second....we have only 2 hands. One hand was clutching the phone and the other hand was wrapped around the coffee mug....who's got the steering wheel???? No one! Absolutely no one was steering the vehicle for the short amount of time that it took Miss "I can do 4 things at once" to take a swig of her early morning cup o' joe!!! Are you kidding me??? I nearly careened into the concrete barrier on the shoulder of the interstate when I glanced over at her talking on the phone and drinking her coffee all the while managing to keep her cigarette lit!!!! Come on people! Should we even WONDER why there are as many car accidents on the road, especially in the midst of early morning rush hour traffic. Get serious folks. The phone call is not that important. If it is, maybe you should have made the call before getting in your car. Drivers beware - people like this lady really do exist who are coming to a freeway near you.

This gives new meaning to HANDS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes.......

Arm in arm

2008-09-06T21:11:00.004-05:00

This morning I went to Panera to enjoy a cup of hazelnut coffee and a cinammon chip scone. I was sitting outside, enjoying my book, when two little boys hopped out of a gray Honda SUV along with a dad. I don't know if the two boys were brothers or merely good friends. The boys were probably 8 years old and I smiled when they skipped by me on the sidewalk. About 10 minutes later, the two boys and the dad came out of Panera with 2 bags filled with bagels. I glanced over at the boys and they were walking arm and arm with the biggest smiles on their faces. I couldn't help but smile at this picture of friendship - of two little "buddies" hanging out on a sunny Saturday morning! Priceless.....

Jesus Loves you and So Do I

2008-09-03T21:44:00.004-05:00

My very first letter arrived yesterday from Francisco (a.k.a. "Frankie")! I cannot tell you how excited I was to receive correspondence from him. I couldn't open the letter fast enough to see what my new "friend" from Brazil had to say. In Francisco's letter, he told me where specifically in Brazil he lives as well as more detailed information about himself (i.e., the names of his family members, the names of his best friends, and a few of his favorite things). One of my favorite parts of the letter was the picture that he drew for me of a house alongside a big tree.

Also included in the letter was a Bible verse (Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."). The Lord is so good for bringing Francisco into my life! I feel blessed that I have had the chance to sponsor Francisco and to be a small part of his walk with the Lord. The best part of Francisco's letter was under the section that was entitled, "Message for my Sponsor". Francisco's message to me was: Jesus loves you and so do I.

God is truly amazing and it is so incredible to me to see all of the ways in which he continues to work in my life day after day. The people that He has put into my life, the opportunities that have opened up for me as well the trials and tribulations that I have had to endure have all brought me closer to God and for that I am so very thankful.

Jesus loves you and so do I!

A B C's

2008-08-26T16:49:00.005-05:00

Here is my alphabetical list

A. Attached or single? Single

B. Best friend? Julie (otherwise known as J.B.) - met her while attending St. Norbert College (lives in Minnesota) wish she lived closer (like right next door!). She knows me better than anyone else!

C. Cake or pie? Warm peach pie with juuuuuuust a teeny tiny scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side

D. Day of choice? Any day that I am NOT working.....if I have to choose one, I would go with Saturday.

E. Essential item? clean underwear

F. Favorite color? PURPLE - absolutely LOVE it!

G. Gummy bears or worms? Gummy Bears - preferably the Haribo brand. I was in my 9th grade Spanish class when I was introduced to these delectable chewy treats

H. Hometown? born and raised in Greendale, WI (a suburb outside of Milwaukee). Greendale is referred to as "The Bubble"

I. Indulgence? if we are talking about food/drinks, it would have to be either a turtle sundae or an iced caramel machiatto with extra caramel from Starbucks. Objects - hands down tennis shoes!!!!!!!!! I love them, I love all of the FUN colors that they come in, I love how comfy they are, I love matching my tennis shoes with my outfits. I absolutely LOVE them!

J. January or July? July no question! I really can't believe that I have lived in the state of WI my entire life because I hate cold weather!

K. Kids? None but I LOVE everyone else's

L. Life isn’t complete without? sunshine, a cup of coffee in the morning, a great book, laughter

M. Marriage date? N/A

N. Number of brothers & sisters? 2 brothers and no sisters

O. Oranges or apples? Apples (especially the ones loaded with gooey caramel and nuts). There's nothing like biting into a crisp, tart caramel apple on a gorgeous fall day

P. Phobias? not a big fan of germs (slightly OCD), not a huuuuge fan of bugs and creepy crawly things, a bit scared at times of being in high places, afraid of the dark big time

Q. Quotes? can't think of anything right now...........O.K. I just thought of one but I was hoping to come up with something more philosophical......"There is no I in team". Oh wait, a former colleague of mine had a great one...."Don't do dumb things" Charles Camilli

R. Reasons to smile? hearing the sound of children's laughter, watching the sun go down, spending time with my nephews and my niece, seeing a "cute, little grandma lady" walking down the street

S. Season of choice? Summer....no work, vacations, lazy days, sleeping in, relaxing with a good book, hanging out with friends

T. Tag seven peeps! don't have 7 bloggy friends (sorry)

U. Unknown fact about me? I would love to own an antique car so I could drive in parades and throw candy to kids

V. Vegetable? Sweet buttery corn-on-the-cob dripping with butter and sprinkled with salt

W. Worst habits? Putting off things that I HATE to do for what seems like forever, I am a "pack rat", my inability to get rid of things (especially clothes, the 1 year rule does not apply to me...I'm operating under the 10 year rule!)

X. X-ray or ultrasound? Huh????? I've had both done. Anything else you need to know about them??

Y. Your favorite food? breaded pork chops, cheese pizza from this awesome pizza place in Chicago (I cannot remember the name but I know you know which place I'm talkin' 'bout)

Z. Zodiac Sign: Leo

There you go! Anything else you want to know about me?????? :)

Unconditional Love

2008-08-25T19:04:00.009-05:00

This past week I "cat sat" for a friend of mine. She and her family went on a vacation up to Door County (for those of you that have never heard of Door County, it is an hour or so past Green Bay. If you've never heard of Green Bay, then you'll have to consult your nearset atlas). Judy and her family recently rescued 2 cats from an animal shelter. They had to put their other cat down a few months ago. I really don't think that their last cat really was a cat - it more closely resembled a small lion to me. It was a Maine Coone cat. Henry (may he Rest In Peace) was a seriously LARGE cat who, had I not known that he WAS a cat, I would have been getting on the horn to call the zoo to see if one of their lions had escaped! Anyway......I digress! To be completely honest with you, I would not classify myself as an animal lover. I never had any pets growing up so I never had the opportunity to gain a true appreciation for animals and all that they can provide for their owners. As the week went by, I noticed myself becoming more and more attached to these furry critters. I looked forward to stopping by each day to feed them and "visit" with them. I found it harder and harder each day to leave the house. These 2 cats would come by me the minute I opened the door and followed me around the house wherever I went. I can see why people are animal lovers - I could ALMOST become one. The thing that I realized this past week was that the cats were so loving and I had just "met" them. It amazed me to see the love and appreciation that they showed me. As I reflect upon my trip to Guatemala, one of the things that stands out most in my mind was the unconditional love that the children at the school showed to me and the rest of our team. These children were not afraid to reach out a hand our offer us a hug the whole time that we were there. To see that expression of love to a group of strangers was AMAZING to witness!!! Seeing God work in and through these children and the impact that they had on me personally is almost indescribable! As I ponder what to continue writing in this post, the thing that stands out in my mind is that I am truly amazed at the gift of unconditional love. This is somewhat of a foreign concept to me. As a child, I always felt that I had to earn the love of my father by excelling in school, performing well on the volleyball or basketball court or on the softball diamond and flying under the radar/not getting in trouble. Being the youngest of 3 children (and the only girl), I quickly learned what to do and what not to do. I tried to be the PERFECT child. I was by no means perfect but my brother referred to me more than once as "Goody Two Shoes". I equated my actions with love (or lack there of). My father rarely told me that he loved me or that he was proud of me. So often after a sporting competition, I felt that I had disappointed my father because I didn't do EVERYTHING right (my father was my harshest critic, next to myself of course). These experiences have carried over into my adult life which have directly impacted my personal relationships. I am extremely cautious and have a fear of getting too close to people. In the back of my mind, I always wonder whether I am worthy of another person's love. My friends will tell me that they love me but there is always a hint of doubt in my mind.....do they REALLY love me???? If "X,Y or Z" happens, will they STILL love me???? Looking back on my life, I wonder aloud, "Do I love children so much because they show unconditional love?" "Was it so difficult to leave Guatemala related to the fact that these children that I had only met 2 days ago were so willing to show their love and affection to a stranger?" "Am I a "closet" animal lover because they display unconditional love? When I think about my relationship with God, it is so comforting to know that God loves each and every one of us, flaws and all. No matter what I say or do, God's love is unfailing. God knows everything about me and He STILL loves me - imagine that! Psalm 136: 1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, His love endures forever." May you rest in the fact that you are loved by God! (P.S. My apologies for not spacing this post adequately. I have NO idea what is wrong with my "ENTER" key and quite frankly, I don't want to know. It just better work next time that I want to blog! Note to self, pressing down harder on the keys does NOT help with said problem!)

All Good Things......

2008-08-19T21:42:00.005-05:00

All good things must come to an end. Every year at this point in summer, the feeling of dismay sets in. Where did the summer go??? How can it be August 19th already??? Didn't I just finish the 2007-08 school year??? What have I spent the last 10 weeks doing????

As I reflect back over the months, week by week, I have been busy yet have managed to find time to rest and relax. It's very easy to get caught up in the busyness of all that summer has to offer.....vacations, Summerfest, ethnic festivals, Brewer games, biking, golfing, going to the beach, concerts in the park, spending time with family and friends, reading, etc..........

What have I done?? Where have I been??? Where has the time gone????

- a week spent in Door County with my family which included: golfing, biking, hiking through Peninsula State Park, shopping, playing with my nephews, reading

- 10 days spent in Guatemala with a short-term mission team from my church: what an incredible, life-changing, memorable, indescribable opportunity of a life-time!

- a weekend spent with my college friends in a condo at Lake Delton (it was surreal to see green grass and dirt where the lake once was!). We spent the time catching up, sharing photos of recent travels, looking at the most recent pics of everyone's kids, canoeing on the Wisconsin River and relaxing

- 4 days spent hanging out with my friend from Pennsylvania and her whole family: cooking out, going to the state fair, talking about "old" times, laughing

- the remaining time was spent enjoying the company of friends over a cup of coffee, lunch or dinner, working outside, reading (surprisingly not as much as I normally do), staying up late every night to watch the Olympics, blogging, doing sudoku (I think I'm addicted to it), going to a few Brewer games and doing my best to avoid the infamous "Favre" drama that captured the football world (ughhhhhhhhh - can we PLEASE move on?????).

All good things must come to an end. Hope you had a great summer!

Blessed

2008-08-07T22:31:00.004-05:00

While driving to work today, I saw this license plate: 3XBLSSD. My interpretation of that is "3 times blessed". I'm assuming that the owner of the silver mini van has 3 lovely children. Aforementioned license plate + mini van (dead give away to all of you parents out there)=CHILDREN. Would you agree???? I smiled as I drove by the "soccer mom" and began to think about all of the ways that I have been blessed.

While I do not have children of my own, I think of how much my niece and nephews are a blessing to me. I think also of my friends' kids that I have the pleasure of being around and how much I enjoy playing , laughing and spending time with them . I truly cherish the time that I am able to spend with the children that are in my life!

I absolutely LOVE the sound of a child laughing - it is a sound that I could listen to for hours because it is so contagious. As I think back to my trip to Guatemala, I can't help but think of all those little faces that lit up when we arrived at the school each morning. Every child vied for a spot in front of each one of our cameras so that they would have the chance to see themselves on the tiny little screen. Oh how they loved it when we took picture after picture of them! They would practically knock each other down in order to have their photograph taken. While in Guatemala, it occurred to me that most of those children have probably NEVER seen themselves. I'm guessing that 99.9% of the people in San Benito do not have mirrors in their "homes". I use that term loosely because, for those of you that have never ventured outside of the U.S. or are not accustomed to a dwelling place that doesn't look like a house, a condo or an apartment, the homes in some parts of Guatemala are rather "make shift".

I am blessed to live in a country that allows me certain freedoms: the freedom to speak, live where I want to live, work where I want to work, express my faith in a church with thousands of other Christians....the list is endless. So often we take these things for granted. I am so thankful that I have the choices that I do!

I am blessed to have a family. I am blessed to have friends. I am blessed by the fact that my friends treat me like family. I cherish the time that I spend with all of these individuals and feel blessed by their presence in my life.

I am blessed to have friends in my life that have played an integral part in my walk with the Lord. I am blessed by the encouragement, wisdom and insight that they have provided for me which has helped be grow in my relationship with God.

I AM
BLESSD

N.F.L. : No FAVRE League

2008-08-06T22:05:00.005-05:00

I have been a sports fan my ENTIRE life. I have grown up watching and supporting every single professional sports team from the state of Wisconsin: the Milwaukee Bucks, the Milwaukee Brewers and probably a team that alot of you have NEVER heard of, the GREEN BAY PACKERS! (can you detect the sarcasm from me when I mention that last one?).

I am so sick and tired of hearing about what is going to happen with Brett Favre! The world does NOT revolve around one Brett Lorenzo Favre, contrary to what the "Packer faithful" may think. Everyone in "Titletown" has been in an uproar since there were rumblings about Brett wanting to return to football. Will he stay retired, will he get traded, will the Packers pay him $25 million (yeah, that's right, we're going to pay someone $25 million to sit at home and ride on his John Deere tractor - which of course is just one of the many products that he endorses).

This whole situation has been absolutely ludicrous! For those of you out in blog land that don't know me, I was a die hard sports fan (I think I had a megaphone and a copy of the latest sports page in my hand when I came out of the womb). That has changed considerably since the salaries of professional athletes (who may I remind you do nothing on the field or the court or the diamond for the greater good of this world!) sky rocketed to exorbiant amounts of money. Wait a minute, let me step away from my soapbox before I get going on another major rampage about the salaries of professional athletes.......

It was a blessing in so many ways to be away from the U.S. for 10 days so that I could devote time and energy to things that REALLY matter in the world - not to listening to the latest update on what Brett was or wasn't going to do. I don't think I will be going outside to burn my #4 jersey (yet) but enough is enough. Who really cares at this point????

Oh, to think what the world would be like if everyone showed as much interest and enthusiasm for our Creator as they have shown in a gun-slingin' country boy from Mississippi who just happens to play quarterback in the National Football League.

What a wonderful place this would be!!!!

Back in the U.S.A.

2008-08-01T12:39:00.004-05:00

It was weird waking up this morning in the United States after spending the last 10 days in Guatemala. The mission trip was an amazing experience - one that I recommend everyone take at some point in his or her lifetime. Whether it be Guatemala, Russia, South Africa, the middle East, wherever, a person will be forever changed. God is AMAZING!

I am having a difficult time trying to find the words to explain what I have seen, what I have experienced, how I have seen God at work through others, as well as myself. Until one is actually involved in an incredible journey such as this, understanding and comprehending the emotions involved is a bit difficult. I have not had much time to process what these last 10 days of my life have been like. Thankfully, I journaled each night so I look forward to going back and reliving each day once the reality of my life here sets in.

We were extremely busy each day so we had very little down time. Our morning devotional time was one of the best parts of my day because it enabled me to really feel God's presence in and among us. The worship, reflection time and prayers were extremely moving for me. I have found myself being brought to tears so often in the last month at church. Guatemala was no different. I have questioned myself as to why I have been so emotional in church and during the devotional time and have realized that it is the Holy Spirit at work within me. It is such an incredible thing and I feel that I have grown closer to God over these past 4-5 weeks. Isn't this what God intends for us to do? He is a faithful God and if we completely put our trust in Him, he will reveal himself to each one of us. God wants us to be totally reliant on Him, even if we feel the need to have control over some parts of our lives.

I saw God working in wonderful and awe-inspiring ways. Thinking about it moves me to tears. The people in Guatemala were wonderful. To see the joy in their hearts in the midst of poverty is indescribable! The love that the children poured out to each and every member of our mission team was a sight to see. The children were truly amazing gifts from God. I am so thankful that God presented this opportunity to me and that he provided for me while I was on this trip. I had many doubts going in, but God proved time and time again that he will provide for our needs. He will provide healing, strength, courage, love, relationships, perserverance and the ability to see others through his eyes if we ALLOW him to do those things.

Regardless of what language a person speaks, a smile or a hug is a universal language of love. I was moved by the children's willingness to reach out to a group of strangers that look nothing like them, that for the most part didn't speak their language and who have no idea what it is to live life in their shoes. The love that they extended to us will be forever etched in my heart. The joy on the childrens' faces was priceless when they saw their own faces on our digital cameras. The kids loved it when we took their pictures. Something so simple, yet so meaningful to a 6 year old child as well as all of the people on our team.

Colossians 3:17
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Thank you God for giving me the courage to say "YES" and for revealing your faithfulness to me throughout this trip to Guatemala.

Guatemala

2008-07-19T21:43:00.006-05:00

Well, I can't believe that I leave for Guatemala on Tuesday! This trip seemed like it was so far away but here it is, less than 72 hours away. A lot of my time lately has been spent thinking about, praying about and packing for my trip. I was trying to avoid that last minute panic stricken feeling I always seem to get as the departure date draws near by packing a little bit each day. Somehow, despite my efforts, I think I will still feel that wave of panic on Monday night. I have to be at the airport at 4:00 A.M. (What???? Are the birds even up at that time???? I am not at all ashamed to admit that I am NOT a morning person, never have, never will be!). Our flight leaves out of Milwaukee at 5:30 A.M. I will be frantically setting about 6 alarms (and of course will be checking them about 10 times each to avoid missing my flight!). Actually, who am I trying to kid about being able to sleep....I can never sleep when I have to be up for something as important as this.

Many emotions have been running through my head over these last 4 weeks regarding this mission trip. I'm excited because I have always wanted to do this and am finally getting the opportunity to go on a mission trip. I'm nervous because I've never left the U.S. and I'm not the greatest traveler in the world (slightly OCD, o.k., more than just SLIGHTLY OCD). I'm anxious because I have not been feeling the best due to some health issues that I have been dealing with. I have been trying to get adequate rest in preparation for my upcoming adventure.

Psalm 139:23 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts"

With that being said, I have had some intense conversations with God lately. I want this trip to be about God and doing His work. I need to put my own concerns in God's hands and realize that He will equip me with whatever it is that I will need. I have been praying that I will completely trust God 100% with every single aspect of this trip.....safe travel, preparing my heart as well as our other team members heart's for what God has planned for us, being gracious to all those that we meet, allowing God to work through us and not letting our own "personal" agendas interfere with the bigger plan, seeing others through God's eyes and not my own, not allowing any personal biases to cloud my thoughts, giving of myself freely for the greater good of the mission and those that we are serving.

[Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."]

Everyone that I have talked to that has gone on a mission trip has said that it is a wonderful and life-changing experience. I welcome the change and am grateful for this opportunity to be a servant of God!

Stay tuned......I return from my trip on July 31st..........

Francisco

2008-07-13T19:33:00.005-05:00

His name is Francisco, he lives in Brazil and he is 10 years old. Who, might you ask, is this boy from Brazil???? He is my new "friend" that I met through Compassion International (thanks to Amy B and her inspirational blog! If you have never heard of it, I encourage you to check it out on the web @ http://www.compassion.com/ ). I am so excited to start corresponding with Francisco. I received my package of information from Compassion International in the mail the other day and couldn't wait to open it! In it was a photo of Francisco with a little bio on him. Along with that, was the necessary information that I needed regarding my sponsorship of Francisco (I wonder if he would mind me calling him Frankie???? Just a random thought...............).

I CANNOT wait to send him my first letter. I have it written out but I need to find a picture of myself, which I am having a bit of trouble finding. That may sound a little strange, but all of my pictures are with people (it's been a while since I've had my pictures taken at "Glamour Shots" - yeah, right! Juuuuuuuuust kidding. Anyone that knows me, knows that I would get hives if I went within 5 miles of one of those places. No offense to anyone that works there or has gone there to get photos taken. The results truly are "glamorous" from what I have seen. It takes me a year to go through a tube of mascara so that just shows you how "Glamorous" I am). As soon as I locate a picture, I will be heading to my nearest post office to mail my letter. After my post office run, I will be making my way to the store to get a frame for Francisco!

If any of you have been following my posts with the slightest bit of regularity, you'll know of my recent struggles with my inability to sleep at night and my restlessness over where God really wants me to be. Suffice it to say, I've slept like a baby since "meeting" Francisco. Coincidence??????? I think NOT!

God is good!

Psalm 139:23

2008-07-07T14:10:00.004-05:00

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."

This Scripture totally jumped out at me today and pretty much sums up where I have been emotionally. I spent another sleep less night last night, unable to get my mind to just settle down so that I could drift off to sleep.

I'm not really sure what is going on right now. As mentioned in yesterday's post, I am in a very restless place. Why, I don't really know. I'm not under any stress due to the fact that I am on summer vacation (Thank God for that!). There hasn't been any major, life-changing events that have occurred recently so I'm really at a loss where these feelings of anxiousness and unrest are originating from. I am extremely perplexed at where I am right at this very moment in time. Patience is not a strong suit of mine so waiting around for some sort of answer or epiphany for why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling is very difficult for me.

I will continue to pray and wait as I work through this uncertain time............I know that we are operating on God's watch, not my own Timex so I will simply have to continue to wait and wait and wait and try to find time to squeeze in a nap to make up for my lost sleep. I would really love it if He could shoot me an e-mail or comment on my blog so that I would have some sort of idea of what is up.

Wouldn't that be nice????????????

To Blog or Not To Blog

2008-07-06T21:21:00.004-05:00

I'm in a state of flux as to whether or not I should blog. On one hand, I feel the need to get my thoughts out. On the other hand, I'm feeling a bit unsure as to whether or not I REALLY want the blogging world to know what I'm presently thinking. I'm not so sure that I can write something that would make any sense to anyone else (I'm typically not one to set my "business" out there.....). I'm the one that simply likes to take in what others are saying as opposed to always getting my two cents into every conversation. I prefer to be the sponge, soaking it all in but not letting my own stuff out (thus the reason for "Cautious 1" in case you were wondering....I thought that title might be a dead give away but perhaps some of you didn't pick up on that). Anyway, where am I really going with this????

I've been in a rather reflective mood as of late....I would have to say it started on Thursday night. I'm in one of those moods where I want to just sit and talk for hours with my BFF to "let it all out". Let what all out, you ask???? Refer back to my opening line. You see, I'm really not sure what I want to say but I have a lot to say. It's one of those times where once I get going, I may never stop. Do you see the quandry that I'm in?? Some of you are probably thinking, "Get to the point!". My point is, is there really a definitve point that I'm trying to get to?????

Needless to say, I have a lot on my mind but I'm not sure where to begin. I'm in one of those "DEEP" moods, where I begin to get a bit philosophical. What's my true purpose here on earth?? That has been a recurring thought that I can't seem to get out of my head. Am I really where God wants me to be??? I have been extremely restless at night because I have been thinking so intently about this. The other night I was up for at least two hours after I turned out the lights and laid my head on my pillow, tossing and turning.

Other random thoughts that are running through my head are: Why is there so much anger and hatred in this world???? Why are so many people getting shot and killed?? Who can we trust these days?? Is anyone safe anymore?? Why are there so many natural disasters occurring (floods, fires, earthquakes, etc.)?? What will our future look like??? Do people still operate with a moral compass??? Have we gotten to the point in this world where anything goes, regardless of the impact it has on others???? Do we care what others think?????

I could go on and on and on. Sometimes the things "of this world" really, really frustrate me and it makes me think that things are so bleak. Thankfully I know that life here on earth is temporary and that life in heaven will be completely different. There will be no more pain and suffering, evil, hatred, fighting, unrest........God gives us the hope of eternal life. Amen!

John 14:6
" I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his One and Only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

To blog or not to blog, that is the question???

SUMMMER!

2008-06-30T13:38:00.005-05:00

Summertime........

sunshine, the smell of brats and burgers on the grill, the sound of lawnmowers running, sun burned faces, the sound of kids splashing in the pool, gentle breezes blowing in the open windows, golfing, biking, reading, napping in the shade, the smell of sun tan lotion on little children, flip flops, shorts, tank tops, brightly colored clothes, dripping ice cream cones, baseball games, hot dogs, sno cones, Blizzards at Dairy Queen, picnics in the park, lazy days, beautiful flowers, butterflies, the sound of birds chirping outside of my window, trips to the lakefront, neighbors outside, driving on the freeway with my windows open and my hair flying around freely, State Fair, Summerfest, vacations, hanging out, no "To Do" lists, free time, sidewalk chalk, walks at dusk, fireflies, MOSQUITOS, ANTS, ice cold lemonade, corn-on-the cob, watermelon, ice cream sandwiches, fireworks, sleeping in, gardening, hikes in the park, camping, s'mores, roasted marshmallows, sand between your toes, walking barefoot on the grass, rainbows, clear blue skies, the sound of motorcycles whizzing down my street, lawn chairs, sprinklers, slip n slides, iced tea, music in the park, skinned knees, family, friends..............

Did I miss anything??????

What does it mean???

2008-06-29T22:04:00.003-05:00

Belief...is defined as a conviction of the truth of some statement; it is a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or some thing.

Faith....is defined as a belief and trust in and loyalty to God; COMPLETE trust.

What does it mean when someone says that he or she "believes in God?" Growing up, I always "believed" that God existed. That's what my parents taught my siblings and I and that's what the Catholic priests told us every Sunday. I would tell others that I believed in God because I truly did. I also "believed" in the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, Saint Nick and Santa Claus. Eventually, I realized that, while those were all great concepts, they didn't really exist (sorry to disappoint anyone out there that still believes in these things. There is NO Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!!!!).

As I look at my life P.C. (that would be pre-Christian), what did it really mean when I said that I believed in God??? I knew that there was something out there that was far greater than me that I referred to as God. God always appeared to be a nice person, someone who would listen when I needed an ear. Someone that I would pray to when a loved one was sick or injured or sad. A person that I talked to when someone I knew died.

I believed that in order to please God, I needed to be a "good person". What is a "good person"? Is it someone who does what he or she is told?? A person who follows rules, respects others, does nice things for people when it's not really expected, goes to church on Sunday, is honest (minus a few "white" lies)?????? If I believe in God, does that mean that I "have to" or "should" go to church?? If I say that I believe in God, is it still O.K. to live my life any way that I want?? Can I go about my life just living according to "my rules" but continue this facade of saying that I believe in God?????

Fast forward to today....my faith life has changed completely (praise God!). Now when I say that I believe in God, I truly understand what it means. I understand what it means to have a personal, real relationship with our Creator because I now have one. I now know the sacrifice that was made for my sins to be forgiven.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I know that God offers the gift of salvation through my faith in Him. I believe that Jesus died and was resurrected and that by trusting in God I will receive the gift of eternal life.
John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

In Romans, Paul tries to explain these very things to the believers that he encounters in Rome.
He tries to encourage the Roman believers to rely solely on God's grace for their salvation so they could understand how people can be made righteous and be transformed in their lives through Christ.

I BELIEVE in GOD?? Do you??????? What does it mean when you say that??????

Major Drought

2008-06-24T22:21:00.002-05:00

As I was cutting my grass today, I thought that it would be a perfect time to have a little chat with God (I have been a major slacker in that department as of late. I fully intend to change that starting today). My thoughts were all over the place (imagine that, Ms. A.D.D. !!). I was doing some serious praying for a few things that have been troubling me as of late, one being the fact that I have a torn labrum (for those of you that don't know what that is or where it is, it's part of your shoulder near your rotator cuff). I have been going to physical therapy for approximately 3 weeks. I have definitely noticed a change in my ability to move my shoulder which is a good thing. I have one more week of physical therapy before I have my follow up appointment with my doctor.

My mind was racing with an array of different things related to my shoulder. What's going to happen at my doctor appointment?? Do I need to have surgery (there's a tear and it won't heal itself on its own)? If I need to have the surgery, when will I have it?? Is the physical therapy a stop-gap measure until I eventually have to go under the knife (or should I say under the microscope)??? Will I just continue to do physical therapy for however long the doctor tells me to???? It's my right shoulder and I'm a righty. How big of an impact will the surgery have on my ability to do everyday, basic things like getting dressed, showering, etc.??

When I was at my last appointment, my doctor told me that doing the P.T. was taking a conservative approach. Well, I'm ALL about conservative!!! What I have realized after doing the therapy for the past few weeks is that it is somewhat of an inconvenience because you have to find time to do it, it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination and there's times that I just don't feel like doing it! (I know that the P.T. is far better than the alternative, however!).

Sadly, what I realized throughout my conversation with God is that my physical therapy is at times like my prayer life. I go through these "droughts" (probably a poor choice of words since Wisconsin and other parts of the mid-west have been in the midst of major flooding for the past few weeks!) where I am not very diligent about praying, I don't devote ENOUGH time to what I consider "quality" prayer and I don't praise God nearly enough for all the blessings he has given me. I'm embarrassed to even say that!!! God has made the ultimate sacrifice for me and I can't find time in MY schedule to "fit Him in"!!!!! WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Physical therapy is by no means an easy task, nor is being a follower of Christ. It takes sacrifice, persistence, hard work, perserverance, patience, fortitude, desire, discipline, dedication, effort, strong will. There will be many trials and set backs along the way throughout the physical therapy, much like there is in my life as a Christian. Do I have it within me to perservere through the tough times and to turn EVERYTHING over to God?? Will I choose to do it on my own when I know that God is way bigger than me and He can do far greater things than I can ever even imagine. Instead of worrying about what will happen, will I turn to Him, the great healer, for comfort, healing and peace of mind???

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Psalm 86:10 "For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God."

I pray that my personal drought is over!

"Don't Be such a Tattle Tale"

2008-06-22T18:23:00.002-05:00

Those words quickly bring me back to my childhood. A smile spreads across my face as I think of all of the opportunities that presented themselves for me to be the "ultimate tattle tale". As the youngest child and only girl, I was completely fine with informing my parents of my older brothers' indiscretions (especially my one brother...does that "middle child" complex really exist or is that just a way of trying to explain away my brother's poor decision-making ???). I thrived on the fact that I had "dirt" to hang over my brothers' heads when they threatened to inflict physical harm on me or when they thought it would be funny to exclude me from that days activity. Oh, and trust me, I had an unbelievable memory when it came to the wrongdoings of my older siblings. If need be, I would go into the archives in order to have leverage over said individuals. It's all about timing. Add the fact that I was (and still am) a TOTAL RULE follower and you have an equation for many a fight! Let's just say, it didn't take too long for my brothers to realize not to mess with the runt of the litter! I had a memory like an elephant, I was a bit on the feisty side and, worse case scenario, I always had my mom to hide behind in times of sheer desperation.
The reason for this blast from the past was that I spent the last week on vacation in Door County with my brother, his wife and their 2 sons (Ryan 10 & Nathan 7). Gotta love the "brotherly love" that they have for one another. I sat back and smiled when I heard the words uttered in disgust, "Don't be such a tattle tale!" Oh to be 7 or 8 again!

Adult Proof Packaging

2008-06-09T19:47:00.000-05:00

I know you know what packaging I'm talking about....it's the thick, plastic kind that you can't just tear open. If I'm not mistaken, there are little invisible bolts that secure the package so that you cannot open the item easily without a sharp (I emphasize SHARP) pair of scissors. It is a MAJOR production to simply pry open the package.

After finally cutting through the plastic, be aware of the extremely dangerous packaging that you have now exposed yourself to. There really should be a warning label telling the brave soul that is attempting to open the item that "Bleeding and severe pain and anguish may occur". I have suffered several cuts at the hands of this type of packaging and I have the scars to prove it. I get the child proof containers but there is truly NO reason why any adult should have to struggle so much simply to open a pack of batteries, or a kitchen utensil, or a golf glove or whatever item it is that you have purchased. (Tools typically seem to be in this type of package).

Paper cuts have FINALLY met their match!!! I'm really not sure who designed this "adult proof" packaging but I have a feeling it might be a young genius out there that wanted to get back at the designer of the "child proof" packaging.

I wonder if I could do a google search??? Oh, what am I thinking...that search will have to wait until I get the tourniquet off of my bloody (and I don't mean it in the British sense of the term bloody) fingers. Do you feel my pain????

10 Items or Less

2008-05-31T22:02:00.000-05:00

I was just running in for a few items so I opted to grab a hand held basket as opposed to a cart to ensure that I would NOT get anything that wasn't on my list!! In theory, that sounded good. In actuality, that is not exactly how things went. First unplanned stop was at the pastry table for some donut holes (didn't need those but they looked really yummy!). Second item not on the list was a 12 pack of Diet Dr. Pepper (keep in mind that logistically this was going to be somewhat difficult to carry because a gallon of milk WAS on my list). Next, I opted to get 2 bottles of cranapple juice instead of 1 because they were on sale (2 more items that were not intended to be carted around in a small PLASTIC basket). At this point, I was losing circulation in my fingers because of the weight of my small basket and the additional weight of the 12 pack. I finally hit the dairy aisle for the last item on my list...1 gallon of milk. Where was that darn cart when I needed it???? I felt like a pack mule as I ambled to the check out which was still a beacon in the distance. As I rounded the corner, what to my surprise would appear, but a shiny grocery cart that was calling my name. So much for 10 items or less!!!!

Colossians 3:12

2008-05-30T23:46:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, a good friend of mine from work invited me to go to a "festival" to listen to one of his favorite local bands. I said "yes" to his invitation. I have NOT been to a festival (church or otherwise) in a very long time. There are a couple of reasons for this:
1. I am not familiar at all with any local bands so I do not feel compelled to run around town all summer long going to festivals (there are at least 3-5 church festivals every weekend, along with all the various ethnic festivals that take place throughout the summer months)

2. Quite often these events turn into drunken beer fests (no offense to anyone, but I'd rather not be in that environment - it really does not appeal to me)

3. I honestly don't want to sound elitist when I say this, but I don't feel comfortable around a large majority of these "festival goers". What I believe to be appropriate dress, language and behavior is in complete contradiction to 90% of those in attendance at these festivals. Their beliefs about child-rearing, parenting, etc. are not beliefs that I would choose to adopt (especially when the parent is in the age range of 16-18 years of age)

This is the part where Colossians 3:12 comes in because I have really been struggling mightily with this for awhile.
"Therefore. as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience".

When I was at the festival on Sunday, I was the furthest thing from being kind, gentle and compassionate towards the people around me! I felt so judgmental the whole time that I was there.

Here are a few excerpts from what I was thinking while I walked around:

" I cannot believe that she is wearing that outfit. Things that should not be hanging out are in full view of everyone. Did she look in the mirror before stepping out of her house?"

"I could never imagine my dad walking around in a pair of baggy shorts with his boxers showing, a backward baseball cap with a diamond-studded " $ " insignia on it, a thick gold chain around his completely tatooed neck and a wallet chain hanging from his back pocket"

"I would never want to be invited to THEIR family gatherings......."

"This is like Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind. What am I doing here??? These people are so different than me"

I could go on and on, but the more I think about it, the more embarrassed I feel for thinking those thoughts. Do I think that I am "better" than these individuals, that I am more sophisticated than they are??? Underneath the outer wrapping, no matter what that wrapping looks like, is another human being who has been created by God. Who am I to judge another human being??? The more I think about this, the angrier I become because this is not the type of person that I want to be, nor the kind of person that God created me to be.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot the part about clothing myself with compassion and gentleness. I forgot about seeing others as God sees them. I forgot the part about taking my old self off and putting on my new self.

"Christ is all and is in all".

How quickly I forget.....................................

Golf Etiquette

2008-05-24T20:30:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don't know me very well, I am a RULE FOLLOWER - always have been, always will be. Perhaps some of you may find that to be rather boring and uninteresting, but living my life according to the rules has worked quite well for me. My motto is, "Rules were meant to be followed". This philosophy has served me well throughout my lifetime and has helped me to avoid unnecessary trouble. I prefer to live life under the radar, so to speak.

Well, enough about that. I did however need to set the stage for you to help you understand my slight irritation with my first golf outing of 2008. If anyone is NOT a golfer, the following information may prove to be rather BORING. Those of you that are non-golfers; however, may want to continue reading in case the following blog contains any amusing anecdotes.

I decided to hit the links around 5:00 p.m. because it is a perfect time to golf because the course is typically pretty empty. I was pleased to find that this was the case. I got on the course right away and was able to golf alone - alone is the key word in that phrase because I really wasn't in the mood for idle chatter with a complete stranger. I wanted to work on my golf game and not be distracted. The other bonus of being alone was that this was my first time out and I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of someone else. (I know, why should I care what someone else thinks about my golf game...unfortunately it does matter to me. Pride + Perfectionism= EMBARRASSMENT. Being a competitive person by nature, embarrassment is the last thing that I want to experience while participating in a sport).

Broken rule #1 -things were going fine until I happened upon a 5-some which is something that one should NEVER see on a golf course. The highest number of golfers allowed in a group is 4. Sidenote...the 5th member of the group looked like she was about to go into labor on the golf course - I'm not quite sure why a pregnant lady would be out golfing that far along in her pregnancy....

Broken rule #2 - hitting an additional tee shot because your 1st shot went about 25 yards. If you have someone breathing down your neck like I was, you NEVER EVER take another tee shot regardless of how far your 1st tee shot went.

Broken rule #3 -The group in front of me obviously was not familiar with the concept of "ready" golf. It never dawned on them to go to their own individual ball while the rest of the group was trying to locate their individual golf balls.

Broken rule #4-finally, it is common courtesy (a.k.a. Golf Etiquette) to let a single play through. While it may not be officially listed in the U.S.G.A. rule book, as far as I'm concerned, it should be. Everyone (except these folks) knows this and lets a single person continue on so as not to delay him or her on every hole. It wreaks havoc with your tempo when you have to wait and wait and wait and waaaaait........................

Aside from the complete lack of respect for the game of golf exhibited by the group in front of me, I managed to enjoy my round. I didn't lose any balls, I managed to avoid the sand traps, I didn't get anything higher than a 6 and I was overall pleased with my performance. Anyone up for a game of golf with me??????? It's really not as bad as it sounds!!!!!!!

3 Day Weekend

2008-05-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

Three day weekend.....those words are MUSIC to my ears!! While I truly do love my job (I'm thankful that I can say that AND actually mean it), I cherish my time off! I love the fact that I have nothing specific planned (other than going to church on Sunday) and that I can be just like the wind and go in whatever direction that I please. Can you tell that I am smiling as I write this??? I am sooooooooo looking forward to getting outside to enjoy the nice weather. Perhaps I will go for a bike ride or hit the links for my first round of golf in 2008 or sit in a lawn chair and read a book or ????????? I don't know what I will end up doing but I can guarantee one thing........there will be NO "To Do" lists for "Kraemer" this weekend! Gotta LOVE it!

Vanity Plates

2008-05-19T20:40:00.000-05:00

How many of you, while driving, try to figure out what those personalized license plates mean?? How many of you could really care less what they mean?? Some drivers are simply too preoccupied with a cell phone conversation or are off in their "own little world" to even notice when a passing car has a vanity plate. Lately, I seem to be running across more and more cars with those license plates (makes for an interesting ride to and from work!). For the most part, I can figure out what the driver was thinking when he or she designed his or her very own "special" plate. Some are rather easy to figure out, while others may take a bit longer to figure out phonetically. I love it when I have that "A-HA" moment and realize what it is supposed to mean. On some licenses, it is the name of the happily married couple (JIMK8T, JONKIM). Others contain a favorite hobby or pasttime (SKIBUM, GOLFER). Still others list the name of a favorite sports team (PKRFAN, GATORS , GOCUBS). Some plates even list the car owner's personal attributes (CATLVR, SK8TER, DOGLVR).

It's frustrating to me when I cannot figure out what the creator intended when deciding what to put on the license plate. When I see a plate that I can't figure out I say to myself "That makes no sense!!!!" Why would someone put THAT on the license???"

What would you put on your plate??? I have often wondered what I would put on mine......KRAMER ????? BKLVR??? JHN316????? Maybe some day I'll do something "Wild-n-Crazy" and come up with my own "special" license plate....Stay tuned. You never know when I might step "out of the box" and do something a bit unconventional for this CAUTIOUS 1!

Mom

2008-05-11T16:01:00.000-05:00

Kind, compassionate, thoughtful, encouraging, funny, loving, supportive, protector, provider, great listener and most importantly, best friend. These are just a few of the many words that I could use to describe my mom. I had one of the best relationships a daughter could have with a mom and for that I am grateful. I could go to my mom for anything and everything and know that I would still be loved unconditionally, regardless of what it was that I had done. Good, bad or indifferent, my mom stood by my side through it all. I could not have asked for a better parent. I loved spending time with my mom because we had so much fun together whether it was going out to lunch, shopping at the mall, watching a movie that we both balled our eyes out at, driving around at Christmastime looking at all the brightly decorated houses or sitting down and enjoying a mocha from the local coffee shop.

How I long for those days.......I would give anything to have one last opportunity to take a drive through the park or down to the lakefront and enjoy a conversation with my mom. I can picture us doing that as if it was yesterday. Unfortunately, it wasn't yesterday. Our last car ride together was approximately six years ago. Tears well up in my eyes and a lump still forms in my throat when I think of all of the things that I did with my mom but can no longer do because she is no longer with me. While the pain is not so fresh and gut-wrenching anymore, a huge part of me died that Easter morning six years ago.

I still get a queasy, uneasy feeling whenever I go to a hospital now. I can still remember the exact smell of her hospital room in the I.C.U. The smell reminds me of death and takes me instantly back to the final hours, minutes and seconds of her life. We sat in her hospital room and waited for my mom to take her very last breath. I couldn't believe that her life was actually over. Who would have thought that that very day would have been her last??? That's the thing about death...we're never, ever prepared for it whether it's expected or sudden, whether the person is young or old. It just happens and in an instant our lives are forever changed.

You never really get over the loss of a loved one. There will forever be a huge hole in my heart because of the loss of my mom. While I have moved on in my life (something that I thought that I would NEVER be able to do), the fact that my mom is not around to share in my joys as well as my sorrows is still very difficult to deal with. With today being Mother's Day, I still have a tough time dealing with the fact that I don't have my mom here on earth with me. I am comforted by the fact that I will meet up again with her in heaven. I envision my mom right now flitting around in heaven with a long white robe on with wings that take her wherever she wants to go. There is no more pain and suffering. No more frustration with my dad and no more feeling as if she is a burden to our family.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you and MISS you but I know that you are in a BETTER place!

It's Spring - (I think)

2008-05-11T15:35:00.000-05:00

While the calendar says that it is May 11th, I'm not so sure the weather realizes that it is May 11th. Our temperatures have ranged from the mid-high 60's all the way down to the low 40's with frost advisories. Come on - can we get a break one of these days???? All right, I'll stop complaining about the weather, especially since I have devoted at least 3 of my blogs to my dissatisfaction with the chilly, snowy, unpredictable weather that one is subjected to in the Midwest. Now, for those who have NEVER visited the Midwest, it's not always as bad as you might think (especially those of you that are used to rather balmy conditions without a snowflake to speak of). I would encourage you at some point in your life to visit because there really are some nice places to see along with some friendly faces to meet! We really are nice people (and I'm not just saying that).

The official rite of passage of winter into spring occurred for me yesterday as I cut my lawn for the very first time in 2008. I LOVE the smell of freshly cut grass - it always makes me smile because it brings me back to my childhood. The smell of fresh cut grass and the whir of lawn mowers signaled the end of the school year and the rapid approach of summertime when I was a child. I still love that smell and know that summer break is right around the corner for me. There's nothing better than looking at my newly trimmed lawn and reveling in the fact that summer will soon be here.

Away from Home

2008-04-26T21:43:00.000-05:00

Why is it that when I am away from home, I have such a difficult time being Christ-like????? When I am in the routine of my normal, everyday life, I am diligent about praying, reading my Bible, being a good example to others, watching more closely what I say, not making negative or derogatory comments about other people, etc. I was out of town on Friday and a large majority of today at a softball tournament in Ashwaubenon. As I sit here relaxing on my couch, I am reflecting on what has gone on over the last 48 hours. I am somewhat disappointed in myself at how easily I can fall back into my old habits - habits that I have worked hard to get rid of. It is so easy to jump on the proverbial band wagon when others are talking about someone or making fun of someone. After I chime in with my negative comments, I think to myself "What kind of example am I setting??". Would other people think that there is something "different" about me, that my actions are representative of a Christian???? DOUBT IT.....which is a sad statement about my own self. I feel guilty and ashamed of myself for falling into the trap of gossiping and saying hurtful things behind a person's back. Proverbs 17:28 "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue". I need to set a better example to those that are around me because God calls us to do so. As I have grown in my faith and have developed a closer relationship with God, I have become far more conscientious about my actions, my thoughts and my words. Because of this, I don't feel very good about myself at the present moment. Self-awareness is important because if we don't recognize our own sins, it is difficult to make the changes that God wants us to make. Why don't I make a greater effort to keep up with my prayer life??? There are no set rules as to when and where a person can pray, so why don't I find some time, ANY time to thank God for the things He has given me, to pray for those in need, to confess my sins (the aforementioned ones!)............I could probably come up with a dozen or so EXCUSES to try and rationalize my behavior and lack of obedience to God, but I won't. There's no point in trying because God doesn't want excuses. He simply wants us to be faithful and obedient to His commandments.

Community

2008-04-13T21:21:00.000-05:00

Community - Webster defines it as " a body of people with something in common, e.g. neighborhood, religion, etc.". What does community mean to you???? Are you in community with your neighbors??? Do you even know your neighbors??? For some of us, it may be difficult to know our neighbors strictly due to distance factors (i.e., your closest neighbor may be 5-10 miles away). This topic of community has been a popular one as of late in church as well as in my high school church group on Sunday nights.

God calls us to be in community with one another. For me, I have found it easier to be in community with other Christians simply because we basically operate under the same belief system and we live our lives according to what God calls us to do. I have often felt out of place at times in public because my views have changed over the last few years and things that didn't seem to bother me as much before really bother me a great deal now. I find myself no longer watching certain television shows because they have become too "racey" (why is it that it is now the norm for women to be wearing low cut tops where far too much skin is exposed???) or the language is somewhat offensive. Now before you start calling me a PRUDE, I just believe with all of my heart that our society sends the wrong messages to our youth. It's perfectly O.K. for females to dress provocatively, no one bats an eye lash when vulgar language is used (in fact, when it is pointed out that someone is swearing, the individual isn't even aware of it because it has become part of their everyday vernacular), there is nothing wrong with meeting someone for the first time at a party or social gathering and ending up in bed with him or her a few hours later. I'm kind of going off on a tangeant but I do believe it is related to this whole idea of community.

Growing up in "the bubble" of a Wisconsin suburb that shall remain nameless, I knew everyone in my neighborhood by name. It was very rare that I didn't know someone that lived down the street from us. I liked that. I liked the fact that I could walk or ride my bike down the street and be able to say "Hi" to my neighbor and address him or her by name. Where have those days gone??? Maybe I'm just living in a fantasy world and I long for the way things used to be. You could keep your doors unlocked, you actually answered the doorbell when it rang because it was usually a neighbor stopping by to say "Hi", not someone trying to solicit something or trying to get you to answer some random survey, gun shots were not the norm, drive-by-shootings were unheard of.

How do we get back that sense of community??? Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and make initial contact with the neighbors that just moved in across the street?? Do you stop and take the time to say "Hi" to your neighbor outside doing yard work or do you simply pull into your driveway and shut the garage door as quickly as you can because you have "things" to do. Don't we all have things to do???

Maybe it's time we get back to the old-fashioned idea of community because the way I see it, the community that we're building today is not one that I'm too excited to be a part of. What happened to "Love thy neighbor as thyself?" I think that idea of love is a foreign concept to many which is a sad commentary in the 21st century.

Now before you start thinking that I'm being a total "Negative Nelly", this blog has morphed itself into something that the author did not originally intend it to be. This is MY blog so I get to say whatever I want to say on it, right?? I did want to talk about community and the things that it can represent to others and how we can reach out to others to make them a part of something bigger and better. I know that I can try to impact my community in a positive way just as everyone in this world can. We are all blessed with many different attributes that can be utilized for the greater good. What can you do??? We can try and do what the song says by "reaching out and touching someone's hand" because they could probably use your help. A simple smile from someone who truly cares about them as a person can go a long way! It can't hurt to try, right????

Will You Marry Me????

2008-04-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!!!!!! Today was a somewhat interesting afternoon in terms of a few conversations that I engaged in. After church, I decided to stop and get lunch at Subway (by the way, do you ever notice how STINKY you smell once you leave the place??? That Subway smell lingers, I mean LINGERS, in your clothes, your hair, your car, you name it - everything smells like Subway. I really wish that they would incorporate a drive thru service because I do enjoy their subs, but on more than one occassion I've opted out of going to Subway for the mere fact that the smell will be with me ALL day! My apologies for getting off task - must be my ADD acting up again. Makes conversations a bit more interesting at least to me anyway - not sure that other people can say the same thing. ANYWAY.......upon exiting the aforementioned restaurant, I was walking by a bus stop and a gentleman stopped and introduced himself to me. I in turn reached out my hand and introduced myself. Let me preface this story with the fact that I typically would not engage with a random individual standing at a bus stop (unless I was also waiting for the bus and was in the mood for some idle chatter). After the pleasantries were out of the way, this man told me that I was the most beautiful woman in the world (beauty is TRULY in the eye of the beholder) and that he wanted to marry me! I was taken aback and said, "Excuse me." The man repeated what he said (trust me, I wasn't doing it to flatter mayself - I was more flabbergasted that a complete stranger would say this to me). After he expressed his deepest desires for me, he proceeded to ask me if I was married (that should have been the first question...), if I had any "keeds" (kids in case you might not have understood that word), how old I was, how old my mother was (what does that have to do with anything, unless he was looking for an EVEN older woman than me) and finally whether or not I was pregnant. Now for many out there in this world, marriage and pregnancy do not necessarily go hand and hand. Unfortunately, it's all too common in our society today to see so many unwed mothers (especially teen mothers) . Hey, call me old school! I really don't care! I believe that one should be married BEFORE the kids come onto the scene. He again told me that he wanted to marry me and I said "You don't even know me....." Needless to say, I turned down his proposition. For some reason, I don't think the marriage would have worked out!!!!!!! After I declined his offer to marry, he asked if I would give him a ride to Someplace on Silver Spring Avenue - NOT!!!!!! As I walked across the street, I kept thinking that he is one of God's creatures and that I should see this gentleman as God sees him. Besides the fact that the man had NO upper teeth and had several missing teeth on the bottom row, he really wasn't my type.
Across the street from this same corner where I was propositioned not once, but twice by "Walter" there was a man standing in front of a Catholic church holding up a sign that said that Catholics would not be saved nor would Lutherans. After my first conversation I thought, " What the heck, may as well hear what this guy has to say". Can't be any crazier than the previous conversation. I politely listened to what this man had to say about how he came to Christ after living in sin (he was a womanizer, was into porn, etc). He gave his life to Christ back in 1990 so he has been preachin' about the Lord for a good 18+ years. I asked him if the priest that I had seen walking into the church before my arrival onto the scene had an issue with him standing in front of the church. Apparently not because the "Padre" just waved at him. We chatted briefly and we both went our separate ways. I got into my car and drove off - just another day in the life of a girl living in "Zuba-town". Can't get much better than that!

Spring/Winter Break

2008-03-28T17:47:00.000-05:00

Well, this was my official last day of spring break which should more appropriately be referred to as "winter" break due to the snow storm that we were subjected to last Friday. For people that are in education, a wave of sadness (dare I say depression) sets in as our vacation draws to a close. This phenomenon occurs at the end of summer, in November after Thanksgiving break, in January after Christmas break and in spring whenever Easter falls. Now I know that nobody wants their vacation to end but I really feel that there truly is a difference in the way that people in education view time off as opposed to the rest of the world. Having been outside of the educational realm for several years, I can speak from my own experiences that I never had these type of feelings. Perhaps that is because typically one does not have as much time off as "teacher types" do. I could be completely wrong....

As I sit here waiting for the Badger/Davidson game to begin, I feel a wave of sadness come over me . Where did all the time go??? Wasn't I just anticipating having the next 10 days off???? What have I been doing over the past week or so???

All good things must come to an end as the old addage goes. I am thankful for having had the opportunity to get caught up on some of my reading, being able to catch up with friends, getting my house "slightly" in order and for the fact that I was able to sleep in. I feel a cold or a sinus infection coming on - just in time for my return to school! Such is life. I hope the rest of my teacher friends return safely from their travels. For those of you who went to warm, sunny, tropical places (I'm jealous but I won't admit that to your sun-tanned faces)- I hope you're not toooooo SUNBURNT. It really stinks to have to put a sweater and long pants on over your PINK, peeling skin!

Stolen car.............

2008-03-25T19:12:00.000-05:00

Does this happen to you???? Do you have trouble locating your parked vehicle in public places? I am notorious for not remembering where I park my car in a public parking lot. It doesn't matter where I am....it could be church, Pick N Save, Target, the mall, wherever. I can NEVER find my car when I come out of wherever it is that I am. It never fails! You'd think I could at least remember where I park my car on Sundays because the church parking lot has numbers at the end of each row. Whoa -let me take that back. In my haste to get into church on time, I never even think to look back at the numbers. I'm too busy weaving my way through the throngs of people who are leisurely walking in with their families.

There was a time that I actually thought that my car had been stolen. I was at the mall and I could have sworn that I parked my car in a particular location. I walked around in circles for about 20 minutes before I decided to take a walk to another section of the lot. I was overcome by panic at the thought that my car had actually been STOLEN! I went over in my mind whether or not I had locked my vehicle (I check my door lock about three times to make sure it is indeed locked). My car is rather non-descript so I thought why would someone want to take MY car when there are plenty of Lexus', Beemers, Shiny new SUV's, etc. that are far more appealing than my 2002 Subaru. I am happy to report that my car was not stolen that day - it was just another instance of my "parking lot amnesia" cropping up.

There MUST be a name for this?? There must be some psychological term to describe this phenomenon. I'll have to check the DSM V to determine the clinical term used to categorize a person that suffers from this syndrome.

Second Day of Spring

2008-03-21T18:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, March 20th, was the very first day of spring. Many people in the state of Wisconsin (as well as most of the Midwest) were looking forward to this day because of the long, snow filled winter we have had. This year our snowfall total is one of the highest in our history. I guess I shouldn't complain too much because we have lucked out in the last few years with very mild temperatures and only minor snowfall accumulations.

The last thing I needed on the 1st day of my "SPRING" break was to have to literally shovel myself out of my house. What is that all about????? I just came in from sweating my head off attempting (I say attempting because the snow is the heavy, "great for snowball fight" snow) to snow blow my driveway. Let's just say that things didn't go so well. I felt as if I was in a wrestling match with my snow blower as I tried to remove the 10 or so inches of wet, heavy snow. I am sooooooo done with the cold temperatures and the fluffy white stuff.

When is the first official day of summer???? I'm afraid to ask - at this rate I still may have my snow shovel and my snow blower on standby!!!!!!!!!

Warning from the DPW

2008-03-18T21:36:00.000-05:00

Like most Americans, upon getting home from work I check my mailbox to see what the mailman has delivered. Last week Friday I was surprised to find a slightly crumpled, grease stained note in my mailbox from the garbage man. It was a standard issue form with various possible options that could be checked off for the resident or residents of the home. I glanced down at the unfamiliar form to see what the problem was. There was a hand-written note indicating that I needed to put my garbage bag in an actual garbage can because apparently some nocturnal critters had decided to grab a late nite snack at my expense.

After thinking about this garbage situation, I deducted that my garbage bag had only been sitting at my curb for a total of 15 minutes in the morning - every Friday morning I put my garbage outside on my way to work @ 7:15 a.m. (of course I'm always running late so the garbage was probably only sitting there for a total of 10-12 minutes). In my mind I'm thinking that there is absolutely NO way that an animal had ripped open my garbage bag in that short amount of time. No way, no how. I was perplexed................

Later that evening I was still thinking about the "not-so-friendly" note from my local DPW (imagine me still ruminating over something that happened earlier in my day?!!! Surprise, surprise!). All of a sudden a monumental light bulb went off in my head......it was not a 4-legged critter that had pawed his way into my garbage bag but rather a 4-wheeled blue Subaru Forrester that had done the damage. In my haste to get to work, I ran over the garbage bag (I did recall hearing an odd sound as I peeled out of my driveway but didn't think twice about it. I blamed the sound on the 4 inch thick block of ice that was at the end of my driveway). All I can say is thank goodness it wasn't that time of the month because there was debris EVERYWHERE! I'm sure the garbage man appreciated that fact as well because if that were the case, it would NOT have been pretty. Gross! There are still remnants from last week's garbage along the curb in front of my house. Needless to say, I'm very grateful that the ice has melted at the end of my driveway because now I can pull straight out my driveway and avoid hitting my poor garbage bag (oops, I mean CAN...I don't want to irritate the garbage men. Who knows what the wrath of the DPW could mean to a local resident).

The Wheels on the Bus............

2008-03-13T18:39:00.000-05:00

I just returned from a bus trip to Madison to watch our girls basketball team compete in the WIAA state tournament. Our school has not been to the state tournament for 25 years so this is quite an accomplishment for our team (for any team for that matter!). In order to avoid having to sit in BORING meetings all afternoon and to avoid burning a personal day, I OPTED to be a chaperone. There were 3 adult chaperones on our bus to watch over 40 + high school students. I must say that overall, the behavior of the students was rather civilized to my delight. I did take exception to the kid that walked on to the bus and said "What the F---!" when he saw how many people were on the bus. Do you actually eat out of that mouth???? The other comment that I took offense to was a student inserting "J.C." into his sentence as he was complaining about a driver cutting into our lane. Thank goodness he doesn't have his driver's license YET because once he does, I have no doubt that HE will be the one that doesn't seem to have a working blinker on his car and he will be playing frogger on the road (for those of you that are of the "X-Box" era, you probably have no idea what frogger is).
Unfortunately our team lost by 3 points after a valiant comeback in the 4th quarter. The ride home was far less pleasant than the ride up to Madison. This can be attributed to the following factors: a disappointing loss, the fact that we were on the road during rush hour (compound that with a back up due to an overturned semi.....ughhhhh), horrible music , an annoying kid sitting in the aisle across from me and the fact that whoever designed buses did not anticipate long-legged people having to endure bus rides longer than 20 minutes. As a result of my trip to Madison, I have suddenly developed arthritis in both of my knees as well as a huge kink in my neck due to the horrible angle at which I was literally wedged into my seat.

For children 4 feet tall and below, these seats probably feel like 1st class (minus the thin little stewardess delivering beverages and top grade snacks). For humans that are 6 feet tall (give or take an inch or two) this was anything but a JOY ride!!!! Does anyone know where buses are manufactured?? When my head was wedged between the window and the cushion that was digging into my knee caps, I tried to locate the manufactured in tag that you find on stuffed animals, small trinkets, toys, etc. I thought for sure that I would find a tag that said made in Taiwan or Korea or any other place that does not have a large population of taller people. I mean, come on.....they clearly did not have the best interest of all individuals in mind when they designed the seats.

Morality

2008-03-01T21:36:00.000-06:00

Are we born with a sense of morality??? I've pondered that question for some time now. How come some people seem to operate with a moral compass while others are left directionless?? Why are some people conscious of living their lives within an ethical framework while others do whatever makes them happy, regardlesss of how their actions impact those around them? Is this a product of our modern day culture where our society is self-centered, power hungry, materialistic and focused on bigger and better things?

How can 2 people that grow up in the same household behave so differently when the same morals and values are impressed upon them from early on??? These individuals are taught to treat others with respect, appreciate the things that you are given, tell the truth and to do what is "right". Are we taught to be moral people but choose to live our lives contrary to this or is it that some people are born with a greater sense of morality?

Have you ever wondered about this?? I'm still trying to figure out the answer to this question. If anyone has an answer, I'm willing to entertain your thoughts. How does one explain the differences in human behavior as it relates to morality?? Can it be tied in to the argument of nature versus nurture??? Is there really an "answer" to this question??

The End

2008-02-27T20:19:00.000-06:00

5.....4.....3.....2......1......0.....The final buzzer sounds and everyone jumps around jubilantly, high fiving each other after the hard fought victory! We line up to shake hands, smiles abound as we congratulate the boys on the opposing team for a well-played game. The Lakers gather together for one final cheer and just like that, it is over.

The parents of each boy approach and offer their congratulations and thanks for a fun-filled season.."Will you be coaching the boys next year?", "Our son had a great time playing basketball this year!", "Thanks for everything coaches", "You are the best coaches that Ethan has ever had".......

Jacob makes his way over and says, "Thank You for everything". I tell him that it was a joy to coach him. A lump forms in my throat and I am unable to say another word. I turn away just as a tear falls from the corner of my eye. I am instantly overcome by a wave of emotion so I quickly locate the gym exit and walk out.

As I drive home, tears begin to stream down my cheek. My mind flashes back to the first day of practice and all the fun times that we had throughout the season. Each boy's name runs through my mind and I fondly recall little snippets from the past few months.

Didn't we just have our very first practice of the season?? Wasn't I just trying to remember each boy's name and a distinguishing feature so that I could address them by their first name?? Ethan, Alex, Collin, Owen, Parker, Dayton, Jacob, Jared, Troy, Sideesh, Danny......names on a roster, players on a team, familiar faces in a crowd. What will happen to our Laker teammates??? Will they continue playing basketball?? Did they learn something from us??? Did they have fun??? Will I ever see them again????

Just like that, it is over......................

I feel an emptiness inside me as I walk through my kitchen door. I know the sadness will pass with time as it always seems to do. Do I really wear my heart on my sleeve??? Is it that obvious?? I thought I was so good at hiding behind my tough exterior. The only one that I am fooling is myself. Is it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all??? The answer is obvious to me........why would I want to put myself through the pain and disappointment? Why would I allow myself to be so vulnerable?? Could I, would I allow someone else to get that close to me and be at risk for heartache and sorrow?? Is it REALLY bettter to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?????

Is it spring yet????

2008-02-23T18:06:00.000-06:00

Ughhhhhh! I just got in from trying to chip away the ice on my driveway, which by the way could double at the present time as an ice skating rink. After nearly wiping out 5 or 6 times, I decided I better take action before I end up flat on my back with no one to rescue me. I've seen enough of the white stuff and have braved the below zero temperatures long enough this winter - can we get a break one of these days????? I've lived in the balmy state of Wisconsin my ENTIRE life - you'd think that I would be used to this by now except for the fact that this has been the snowiest winter that I've seen in a very long time. I'm not a skier or a snow shoe-er or a snow mobiler so the white powdery substance does nothing for me. If I was an Eskimo or a polar bear perhaps I would have a different outlook on the weather, but I'm not. Every winter I threaten to move to somewhere warm and sunny but I never take action. As I see it, I will probably be a Cheesehead my entire life (although I have seriously considered a move to Portland, OR. For those of you that have never visited Portland, it's a really great place! The people are really low key which I love since I myself prefer to be low key, comfortable and REAL!)
There, I got that out of my system. I typically don't like to complain about the weather because after all, I have made a conscious decision to live in the Midwest and I know what that entails. Tomorrow I will be back to chipping away at the rest of my driveway before the next round of snow comes. I guess that's what makes the arrival of spring such a highly anticipated occurrence.

Newbie

2008-02-21T18:53:00.000-06:00

This is my first attempt at entering the world of blogging. I have had my OWN home computer for a grand total of 57 days. I know, I've been living in the dark ages. In actuality, the dark ages really aren't that bad because living there has kept me shielded from the "dark side" of the computer world as well as the world in general. FYI - I'm NOT some recluse so please don't get that impression. I find that it is sometimes easier to live a far more simplistic life than what the 21st century affords. I'm really not up on the latest fashion trends, or who's dating who in Hollywood, or who is the next big name to enter a rehab facility or who is divorcing who. I don't choose to live vicariously through all those reality shows on television - it doesn't interest me to know who the biggest loser is or who is going to be the next American Idol or how the wife swap will turn out. I've never been one for gossip and I'm usually the LAST one to find out things which is fine by me. I have enough things to worry about in my own life without having to get wrapped up in some strangers problems. If people would simply mind their own business, I believe life would be much simpler for many people in this world. I understand that some people revel in the problems of others so that they can forget about all the troubles in their lives for an hour or two each night. More power to them I guess. Someone must be watching them or there wouldn't be so many of those shows on television.