I'm Back.......

Well, it has been waaaaay too long since I last submitted a post on my blog. I had the hardest time trying to locate my online journal because it has been so unbelievably long that I came up with something creative enough to share with the public. Who am I kidding? I don't really think anyone follows me.

 If you do happen upon my blog, I hope that you find this somewhat amusing. Is it wrong to describe oneself as "funny"? I have a tendency to crack myself up which is one of the reasons I rarely pay money to see a comedian. The other reason I don't go to watch comedians is that I feel life is full of funny moments, people, comments, etc. Do you know what I'm saying? Help a sister out and just agree!

Laughter truly is the best medicine and if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? Alright , we can laugh at others because there are some seriously FUNNY people out there. Do you know anyone in your personal circle of friends or family that cracks you up regularly? I really hope you do because those people are a riot to be around. Afterall, who can honestly say that they want to be around "Debbie Downer" or "Boring Bob"? (Sorry if either one of those names are yours).

I am blessed to have inherited my mom's great sense of humor. She always had a smile on her face - even during those tough times (of which there were many, unfortunately). She was one of those people that was a joy to be around.Because I enjoy hanging around people with a sense of humor, my life is so much fuller and far more light hearted than many people that I know. There is one person in particular that I know that never seems to smile (that person shall remain nameless). I almost feel sorry for this individual. There is no joy in his life and it is so apparent.......

Instead of going on a major tangeant about those that don't seem like they have any joy in their lives, I am opting to end this blog. Just getting back into the swing of things so I will keep this short and sweet. The fingers are just getting warmed up. Ta ta for now!   

Speechless

Have you ever been in situations when you have wanted to say something but you can't find the words to say what you really mean??? That's where I'm at these days. As I stumble through this process of grief, so many emotions run through my mind. I feel sad and want to talk to people about what's going on, but I find it difficult to explain what it is that I'm feeling. There are the emotions that are typically associated with grief (sadness, anger, etc.) but I believe that I am at the point of frustration because there is nothing that I can do to change the situation. This has made me feel extremely unsettled. I am beside myself because of the feelings of helplessness. I feel as if I want to run away from my thoughts. My mind races as I prepare to go to sleep each night and my eyes fight off the urge to close because I don't want to be reminded of the truth. Sometimes I feel as if I have lost my mind....I feel like a rat in a maze because there is no way out of this road called grief. I hate travelling down this road because of so many reasons...I don't want to be here, I don't want to have to face reality, I don't want to face the fact that I am parentless, I don't want to have to work so hard at finding a new "normal", I don't particularly like change, I hate feeling the way that I do, I hate the fact that I don't seem to have as much joy in my heart like I used to, there is one less person in my family, holidays will once again take on a different look................

In spite of everything and no mattter how much I complain and try to fight this off, I have no choice but to face this head on. If I continue to push this to the back of my mind, it will continue to rear it's ugly head. There will continue to be heartache, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. but it will not have such a stronghold on me if I face the monster called grief. I'm not ready for this. I feel as if I am a 5 year old ready to throw a tantrum because I can't get my way. In essence, that is really the case. I can't get my mom back. I can't get my dad back. Life has changed. People don't live forever. Death is a part of life. Life isn't easy. Life isn't fair.

Unspoken

Does anyone really get it??? How does one put it into words? How do you try to explain what you're going through to those who have not suffered a serious, substantial loss? I want to talk about it but why does it seem like I get the urge to talk around 1:00 a.m.?? No one is awake but me as I toss and turn, not wanting to close my eyes. Somehow if I keep them open, maybe the thoughts won't flood my mind like a waterfall. Perhaps if I stay awake, maybe it won't seem real...perhaps the horrible memory won't return like an unwanted guest...perhaps the outline on the carpet won't really be there...perhaps the smell of death won't greet me as I walk through the door of the condo...perhaps I won't see the black fingerprints on the wall where the M.E. and the detectives leaned on in order to maintain their balance...perhaps I won't remember the jazz music playing as I walked into the condo...perhaps when I turn to my right I won't see the dead body, discolored from being there for 5 days...perhaps I won't remember listening to the voicemail messages on his phone, clearly filled with worry and concern from friends & family...perhaps I won't remember the yellow tarp that lay across his body...perhaps I won't recall seeing the funeral home people wheeling him out of the condo...perhaps I won't remember the 9-1-1 call that I made...perhaps I won't remember calling Scott to let him know what had just happened...perhaps I won't remember calling Jill at work to let her know about my dad...............perhaps one day I will face this grief head on.............

Something in Common

I talked, she listened. She wondered how I was doing, how I was feeling, how my trip to Door County was without my dad. Questions about my trip to Guatemala as well as what the rest of my plans were for the summer.

I talked about some of the things that reminded me of my dad...golfing, our passion for sports, our choice of careers, the books that we both liked to read...I have recently run across several people that knew my dad - it was great to hear all of the nice things that they had to say about my dad.

As I was talking, I had to pause in order to swallow the big lump that had formed in my throat. A tear trickled down my cheek as she looked at me with understanding eyes. I glanced at her and noticed that tears were forming in her eyes. I stopped to grab a tissue from the table next to me. As I did this, she spoke softly and told me that her dad had died unexpectedly a month ago so she could understand what I was going through. I felt so sad for her and wanted to get up from the couch and give her a huge hug but I knew that I couldn't. I whispered that I was sorry about her dad as I watched her dab her eyes with a kleenex. A few more tears fell from my eyes and at that moment, I felt as if time had stopped. We sat for a moment in silence as she gathered herself. My heart went out to her...

As I left the office, I couldn't stop thinking about her and the sorrow she felt because of her dad's death. I drove away knowing that she was now travelling down that road we call "grief".

Spring Break

Those 2 words are music to my ears! This year it felt like it would NEVER get here. A week or so ago we had flurries in the air - c'mon, folks, can we get a break with the weather here????? My hope is that, being that we are half way through the month of April, I will get to enjoy some warmer temperatures! I would absolutely LOVE to get outside and ride my bike or hit the nearest golf course (I would of course need to wipe the cob webs off both of those items as they have been tucked away in my basement for far too long).

This is day 3 of my break...as I sit on my couch watching the rubber match between the Brewers and Cubs, I reflect on what I have filled my days with. Time goes by so quickly during break and I really just want to take time for myself because I have been on quite the rollercoaster ride for the last 2 months.

Things have settled down with regards to taking care of business with my dad. I've started coaching softball which adds a dimension of craziness to my life. A week and a half ago I had an emergency root canal (my follow up appointment for my crown is Tuesday - ughhhhhhh). Work is crazy busy - when isn't it though??? (I'm thankful that I have a job in these difficult economic times so I'm NOT complaining).

With all that said, I truly am looking forward to simply doing what I want, when I want. I will make a conscious effort to "schedule" quiet time in my day instead of filling every waking moment with errands, coffee dates, lunch dates, etc. For any of you that are also on spring break this week, I hope that you will find time to simply be so that you can rest, relax and rejuvenate yourselves.

PEACE!!!!!!!!

Gone

Wow...I can't believe how much time has gone by since my last post. Much has changed since January 28th. My world was rocked by the sudden, unexpected death of my dad on Feb. 10th. The reality of life without any parents has not completely sunk in yet, nor the circumstances surrounding my dad's death. It's still not real. I cannot get the picture of my dad out of my head because I was the one that found him in his condominium. How can he be gone, just like that???

The feeling of disbelief was overwhelming as I dialed 9-1-1 to alert the police to the situation that I walked into. The paramedics arrived followed by a police officer. I met them outside and directed them into my dad's condo. After the paramedics confirmed my dad's death, I was deluged by a series of questions. I methodically and stoically rattled off the pertinent information to the police officer and the two detectives that had just arrived on the scene. Name, address, phone number, date of birth.................I then matter-of-factly continued to provide the information about my father to them. I can't seem to get that image out of my head. Why was I the one that had to find him there????

We contacted the medical examiner - a necessary evil so that we would have an official time and date of death. Does it truly matter in the scheme of things. If you want to get technical, he actually died on Friday, Feb. 6th but we couldn't use that as the date because no one was present to provide an "official" t.o.d. (for those of you CSI watchers you know what I'm talkin' 'bout....time of death in case you were wondering). Anyway, I won't get into any more of the details. The only thing that matters is that he is gone, just like that.

Our life here on earth is just a vapor....nothing compared to what our lives will be in heaven. As I struggle to get that last image of my dad out of my mind, I turn to God for peace, healing and understanding. I dive into his Word so that I continue to be encouraged by His promises to His children here on earth. I've travelled down this road of grief before but this time, I am far more equipped because I have God alongside of me. Because of this, I am truly blessed. While I struggle to understand what has happened over the course of the last three weeks, I am reminded that God will never leave my side and that His ways are not my ways.

Do they have any clue???

This has been on my mind quite a bit lately so I thought this would be perfect blog material. Nothing like an outlet for random, rambling thinking. My question to you is this: Do annoying people realize just how annoying they really are to the rest of the world??? Before I continue on, I will freely admit that I am fully aware that my actions may be seen as annoying at times. I do make a concerted effort to be respectful of those around me so I don't become "another one of those annoying people".

Let me throw out a few examples of the people that I am referring to that you may have run across at some point in your life:

* the non-stop sniffler on the airplane. Have you ever thought about using a Kleenex??

* the car in the left lane driving 55 m.p.h. - do you ever wonder why people are blowing by you and shooting you dirty looks????

* while I'm on the subject of drivers...how about the driver that LOVES to ride your bumper?? Nothing like not being able to see the headlights on the car BEHIND you on an icy road. Can you say "accident waiting to happen"? Insurance companies LOVE these drivers!

* or how about the person that refuses to allow you to merge?? I must say, I LOVE the feeling of drag racing a semi in order to merge onto the freeway - NOT! What's up with that????

* the LOUD talker at the coffee shop....you know what?? I'm really not that interested in what is going on in your life so STOP screaming! Everyone else just wanted to stop in and enjoy a relaxing cup of hot coffee amidst the low buzzing of random voices. Did you notice I said "LOW"???

* the incessant talkers during staff meetings..Come on people! You're all teachers! How annoying is it when your kids are talking in class while you are trying to teach??? Enough said!

* while I'm on the subject of talkers......don't you love it when people talk on their cell phones like they are in the privacy of their own home while in a doctor's office waiting room???? Have a little courtesy for those around you and either leave the area or make the call very BRIEF!!! T.M.I. from strangers!

* I know that we are taught that there are NO dumb questions but I beg to differ! There are SOME dumb questions. You know them when you hear them. Those are the questions that people ask that are typically not paying attention to what is going on around them or perhaps they really are clueless! Ughhhhhhhhhh.

* people that continually complain about the cold temperatures and snow. Ummm, "Hello"...you do live in Wisconsin. What are you expecting???? This weather happens every year so why the surprise when we get 8-10 inches of snow on any given day during October-April??? Why the shock when we are dealing with below zero temperatures???? This isn't Hawaii! What was your first clue????????

I'm tuckered out just thinking of how frustrating it is to deal with said individuals. Gotta run. To be continued........

Tears

From the distance, I saw her sitting on the leather couch in the airport lobby with a blank look on her face. Her brown eyes looked vacant as she stared off into space. Her face remained expressionless; the television blared in the background as children raced around the lobby. I eased into an empty seat near her. I quickly glanced over at her out of the corner of my eye and saw tears rolling down her cheek. I fumbled around in my bag, hurriedly looking for a kleenex to hand to her.



Why was she crying?? Why was she so sad?? I reached out my hand and gave her my pack of kleenex; she slowly reached over and took hold of the small, clear package. She quietly said "Thank you", never once allowing her eyes to meet mine. She kept her head down and wiped away the tears that were now streaming down her face uncontrollably. I tried not to stare at the young lady sobbing on the couch but couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of her. What was it that was making her so sad? What happened in her life? Did something happen to a family member? Did she just receive some horrible news about a friend? As I was about to ask her what was wrong, I heard a cell phone ring. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the ringing phone. She listened carefully and hung up without saying a word. As I was about to ask if she was O.K., she got up from the couch, grabbed her bags and left; tears still streaming down her face. I tried to catch up to her but lost her in the crowd.......

I suddenly opened my eyes and realized that my pillow was damp. I touched my cheek and felt the water streaming down my left side. Those tears were my tears. I reached for a kleenex to wipe them away but they kept coming like raindrops in the midst of a spring shower. The emptiness returned and the sadness overwhelmed me once again.........

Address Labels

Are you like me when it comes to address labels? If I lived to be 1,000 years old I still would NOT use up all of the address labels I have acquired over the course of a few short years! It is sooooooooo out of control!!! Approximately every three days, I receive a solicitation for money, along with a page or two of lovely address labels. I have labels with hearts, cats, dogs, flowers, flags, random little people, Olympic symbols, holiday scenes, summer/spring/winter/fall scenes, the initial in bold print of my last name, etc...... I know I have many more but I can't keep track of all of the labels anymore....it's overwhelming. While I happen to be "old school" in the letter writing department (yes, I am one of the few and the proud that keep the mailmen and women toting around my letters to friends and family), there is no way humanly possible to use up ALL of the labels that I have jammed into my junk drawer. I have now begun to attach two labels to every letter and bill that leaves the comfort of my home just to reduce my label supply!

Some of you out there may be scratching your head for several reasons. You're probably thinking, "Why don't you just throw them out when they arrive??". Welllllllllllllllll, I'm somewhat (I will use that term loosely) of a "pack rat"; therefore, I have a difficult time throwing them out because I think, "Surely there will be an occassion when this particular label will be perfect (i.e., the label with the candle and cake for a birthday card, the snowman label for Christmas cards, the label with the golf balls for my friend that is an avid golfer, etc....). Can you see where I'm coming from??? Makes sense, right???

Another question that may have popped up is, "Why are you not in the 21st century where address labels are pretty much obsolete due to the internet, e-banking, on line bill payment options, e-mail, text messaging, etc.?" Once again I will plead "old school". I like to have control over things pertaining to my bills, banking and the like so I don't want all my "business" out there (yeah, yeah, I know all of you hackers just scoff at me because within 5 minutes you could probably find out everything about me, including the fact that I have a glass eye (O.K. j.k. - I really don't have a glass eye but you get my drift). Let's be honest...who here does not love receiving a card or letter from a friend or family member in the mail??? Letter writing is a lost art. Typically, I don't get anything very exciting delivered to my mailbox other than bills, the usual SURPLUS of junk mail and of course, MORE address labels!!!!!!!!

Perhaps my 'New Years Resolution" (if I ever make one) should be to rid my drawers of all those address labels. Wait, I just thought of another use for the labels...I could use the labels instead of scotch tape to wrap my Christmas presents this year. If I did that, everyone would know who their gift came from!!!! What do you think??? What a great idea!!! Does that count as "going green"?? Just think, I won't need to use all of the gift tags that I have purchased over the years during the after Christmas holiday clearance sales. I have more gift tags then I could ever use.....that will be my next post. Ughhhhhhhhh, when will this ever end?????? Don't they have medication for people like me????????????

Time Flies

Wow - I can't believe that almost a month has gone by since my last post! I guess that's what happens when summer ends and school begins. I don't have the 3 or 4 hours that I did this summer to sit around and peruse blogs and update my own blog everyday.

As I sit here on my couch on this frigid Friday evening, I feel compelled to update my blog. I'm in a quandry as to what I should write about, however. Do I write about the economy??? No - BORING and a bit too depressing (and to think I was a business major! What was I thinking??).

I could write about the falling gas prices. I drove by a gas station where gas was $1.72. I nearly ran into the car in front of me while I craned my neck to double check the price on the sign. Weren't we almost nearing $4.50 a gallon a month or two ago. How does that happen? Oh, that's right...I vowed to not talk about the economy (my condolences to those of you out there that are economists. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round!).

Hmmmm, let's see, what else is there to write about??? Politics?? Absolutely NOT. All that talk is too political for me. I'm all for doing the "eeny meany miney moe" method of selection. It seemed to work just find for games of tag, kick the can, etc.

Deer huntin'??? Nuttin' like the start of deer huntin' weekend to get the blood flowing like fire through the veins. Up in these there parts it's a sea of blaze orange. It gives new meaning to "Blinded by the Light"!!! For the record, I'll have you know that I have never taken part in any form of hunting (other than for Easter eggs) and have no desire to, nor do I have a desire to eat a bi-product of the above mentioned animal (i.e., jerkie, steaks, etc.). The thought of "Bambi" on the grill makes my skin crawl! YUCK!

There's always the weather.....that would be pretty boring since my post would be one single word: COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remind me again why I haven't moved from the balmy state of Wisconsin to somewhere more tropical. I despise chilly weather. As we speak, the number 20 appears in the right-hand corner of my t.v. screen followed by the degree symbol. Last time I checked there is no Eskimo blood flowing through my very frozen veins.

Oops, I almost forgot. Why not talk about Thanksgiving, seeing as it is 6 days away. What's your favorite thing to eat?? Is it the turkey itself? Are you a white meat eater or a dark meat eater?? Mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes??? Fresh cranberry sauce or the jellied kind that comes out of the can??? Pumpkin pie or apple pie? With or without whip cream????? So much food, so many choices. What's a person to do???

I know what I need to do and that is end this post for Friday, Nov. 21st, 2008. Hopefully this has gotten my creative juices flowing and I will be back to blogging more regularly. One can only hope!
Happy Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for???? Hey, that could be the topic for my next post.......what do you think???

A Year Without a Christmas

I spoke to Ashley today regarding a problem that she was having in her math class. Math is a difficult subject for Ashley so we discussed the option of her moving from Algebra into Pre-Algebra. I gave her the class change form and told her to talk to her math teacher about her concerns and to get his input with regard to her switching classes. I signed off on her pass and was ready to send her on her merry way. When she turned to leave, I noticed a slight hesitation so I asked her if everything was O.K. She turned back towards me and said, "Well, I guess.....". I took that as my cue to ask her what was going on.

Ashley is a 14 year old 9th grader who was diagnosed with leukemia approximately two years ago. I have only known her for a few months but I can tell that she is an incredibly strong and courageous young lady, in spite of her dimunitive stature. She stands about 5'5" and weighs roughly 100 pounds (on a good day when she actually has an appetite to eat even the smallest amount of food). I don't know all of the specifics of what Ashley has been through the last two years but I have seen the scars from the treatments, I have had glimpses of her bald head underneath the wig that she wears everyday and I have seen her struggle to walk because of her ailing right hip (apparently a side effect of her leukemia and/or a result of the toll all of the medications she has had to take). It takes every ounce of strength for her to carry her backpack from class to class! One cannot help but fall in love with her enthusiasm for life and the optimism that exudes from her. What an AMAZING person young Ashley is!!!

I asked her how things were going with her leukemia and she said that things were fine, that she will now only have to go to the hospital once a month for her treatments, blood tests, etc. I took that to be a positive, and judging from the expression on her face and the tone of her voice, I assumed that I was right. I asked her how things were at home. Ashley hesitated a bit and said that her dad was in jail again. This was his third offense for driving under the influence. I asked her how she felt about this and she responded, "Well, he doesn't have a job, he sells the stuff in the house to get money for drugs and he's always so angry that it's best that he's not around." I tried not to let the surprise show on my face as I continued to ask her questions about her family. She has two younger siblings, a brother in 7th grade and a sister in 3rd grade. Her mom was working 3 jobs for awhile but got let go from 2 of them because times are so tough. Ashley then said to me, "My mom said that we probably won't have any Christmas presents this year. We may be able to get something from the dollar store." My heart broke for this girl who quickly seemed much younger than the 14 year old girl that she was. I swallowed hard and tried to blink away the tears that were forming in my eyes. The bell rang and she was ready to leave to go to her next class. I told her to have a nice weekend and then asked if she had any fun plans. Ashley responded with, "Well, we don't have any money so we really don't do anything." and with that, she was out the door.

There aren't many guarantees in life but I can guarantee that Ashley will be getting more than "something from the dollar store" this Christmas!!!! You can count on that!!

Pilates anyone?????

I was at my local exercise establishment a few days ago and ran into a friend of mine while working out. Let me preface this last statement by mentioning that it has been waaaaaaaaaay too long since I last worked out. I had to wipe the cob webs off of my tennis shoes and dig between the cushions of my couch to find my membership card. Yeah - it's been awhile. With that in mind, I was trying to get a "light" work out in so that I wouldn't completely overdo it and pay for my overzealousness with a week of aches and pains in places that I didn't even know could hurt. Back to my encounter with my friend. She is a work out fiend. She is about 5'6" and maybe, maybe 100 lbs. She works out religiously everyday! The invitation to join her for a workout was a mistake on my part. On this particular afternoon she was doing a body pumps class. Have any of you ever partaken in one of these classes??? In theory, they are good......but in reality they are not so good for me. I am not opposed to exercise at all as evidenced by my health club membership. What I decided is that I am opposed to these structured exercise classes that are run by energetic, buff, fat-free women that are a bit too enthusiastic for my taste. I can hear the voice still resonating in my ears...."And one more time....let's hold that for a six count.", "Feel the burn, ladies.", "Three more sets, you can do it...", "Here we go now.", "Keep pushing yourselves...". I glance up at the clock and realize that 5 minutes, yes that's right, I said 5 minutes have gone by. Are you kidding me????? This class is an hour long class, there is absolutely NO way that I am going to survive for another 55 minutes.......The whole time I watched the clock, vowing that I would NOT stop until the clock reached 5:30 p.m. The last part of the workout consisted of sit ups which I thought I could handle. WRONG!! My abs, or should I say flabs, were on FIRE!!!! Seriously....I asked the woman next to me where the fire extinguisher in the room was located because I was being overcome by the smell of burning flesh. The good news is that I survived to tell about it. I don't think that I will be returning to the class; however, because I don't do well in structured settings!

The Fall Before the Storms

Fall is an incredibly beautiful time in Wisconsin. Over the last week or two, I have really taken the opportunity to appreciate and marvel in the amazing change of colors that comes with the change of the seasons. Fall is officially here! The colors of the leaves on the trees are so vibrant, especially when the sunlight hits the leaves just right. There is nothing like a walk through the park on a crisp fall morning among the brightly colored trees. The smell of burning leaves is in the air and you can see your breath. A hot cop of coffee or apple cider afterwards just makes the morning complete. Just thinking about it makes me smile! Once in awhile we are even treated to an "Indian Summer" day where the temperature warms to a 65-70+ degrees and we can wear shorts for one more day. Another reason that I look forward to fall is the appearance of caramel apples (with nuts) on the store shelves. I LOVE CARAMEL APPLES - especially when the apples are really crunchy and a wee bit on the sour side. Yummy!!!!! I wish that time would stand still because once all those beautiful leaves have been raked up and blown into curbside piles....we move into yet another season ------WINTER (my least favorite of the four)!!!!!


Out of nowhere, the storm hits. The storm I'm referring to is the storm that brings the pretty white stuff that turns into something not so pretty once it is cleared off the roads by the snow plows. Snowy days and freezing temperatures become the norm. Wind chill factor, snow advisories and below zero temperatures are phrases that become part of our everyday vernacular. Shorts, sandals and t-shirts are now replaced with sweaters, jackets, hats, scarves, mittens and boots. My hope is that this winter will be less chilly, less snowy and over before I know it. Keep dreamin'!!!!!!!!

Return of the Blogger

Well, I didn't realize that this many days had passed by since my last post (thanks for reminding me J.D.). The pace of life has definitely picked up since my return to work. No more lazy summer days, sleeping in, flying by the seat of my pants, driving like everyday is a "Sunday", coffee dates with friends in the mornings, relaxing all afternoon in a lawn chair with a good book. Oh, those certainly were the days.....

Now my life is 5:30 a.m. alarms going off (notice how I said alarms, plural...I am the "Snooze Queen". I really don't know how you moms do it!!!! You are AMAZING women!), brown bag lunches, wardrobe planning, ironing clothes, fighting the early morning traffic, "road rage".....Oh to be able to push the calendar back to mid-June (sigh).

I truly LOVE my job (Thank God for that!) but I also value my precious time off! Sometimes I wonder how I get anything done as far as house cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, running errands when I am back at work. It really is surprising (although right now my house looks like a tornado went through it right about now. I really NEEEEEEED to de-clutter! Back up the truck 'cause I got lots to get rid of....).

Well, that's all folks! Just thought I'd let you know that I'm still alive and that I haven't deserted the "Blog World".

Peace!

Hands Free

I think I've seen it all now when it comes to multi-tasking....I was on my way to work this past week and was next to a car driven by a lady who was smoking a cigarette and talking on the phone. Not that big of a deal, right??? I personally am not a smoker, but I don't imagine that it's that big of a deal to smoke and talk on the phone while driving. Am I right??

I could not believe my eyes when she reached for her coffee cup and took a big gulp. Let's think about this for a second....we have only 2 hands. One hand was clutching the phone and the other hand was wrapped around the coffee mug....who's got the steering wheel???? No one! Absolutely no one was steering the vehicle for the short amount of time that it took Miss "I can do 4 things at once" to take a swig of her early morning cup o' joe!!! Are you kidding me??? I nearly careened into the concrete barrier on the shoulder of the interstate when I glanced over at her talking on the phone and drinking her coffee all the while managing to keep her cigarette lit!!!! Come on people! Should we even WONDER why there are as many car accidents on the road, especially in the midst of early morning rush hour traffic. Get serious folks. The phone call is not that important. If it is, maybe you should have made the call before getting in your car. Drivers beware - people like this lady really do exist who are coming to a freeway near you.

This gives new meaning to HANDS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes.......

Arm in arm

This morning I went to Panera to enjoy a cup of hazelnut coffee and a cinammon chip scone. I was sitting outside, enjoying my book, when two little boys hopped out of a gray Honda SUV along with a dad. I don't know if the two boys were brothers or merely good friends. The boys were probably 8 years old and I smiled when they skipped by me on the sidewalk. About 10 minutes later, the two boys and the dad came out of Panera with 2 bags filled with bagels. I glanced over at the boys and they were walking arm and arm with the biggest smiles on their faces. I couldn't help but smile at this picture of friendship - of two little "buddies" hanging out on a sunny Saturday morning! Priceless.....

Jesus Loves you and So Do I

My very first letter arrived yesterday from Francisco (a.k.a. "Frankie")! I cannot tell you how excited I was to receive correspondence from him. I couldn't open the letter fast enough to see what my new "friend" from Brazil had to say. In Francisco's letter, he told me where specifically in Brazil he lives as well as more detailed information about himself (i.e., the names of his family members, the names of his best friends, and a few of his favorite things). One of my favorite parts of the letter was the picture that he drew for me of a house alongside a big tree.

Also included in the letter was a Bible verse (Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."). The Lord is so good for bringing Francisco into my life! I feel blessed that I have had the chance to sponsor Francisco and to be a small part of his walk with the Lord. The best part of Francisco's letter was under the section that was entitled, "Message for my Sponsor". Francisco's message to me was: Jesus loves you and so do I.

God is truly amazing and it is so incredible to me to see all of the ways in which he continues to work in my life day after day. The people that He has put into my life, the opportunities that have opened up for me as well the trials and tribulations that I have had to endure have all brought me closer to God and for that I am so very thankful.

Jesus loves you and so do I!

A B C's

Here is my alphabetical list


A. Attached or single? Single


B. Best friend? Julie (otherwise known as J.B.) - met her while attending St. Norbert College (lives in Minnesota) wish she lived closer (like right next door!). She knows me better than anyone else!



C. Cake or pie? Warm peach pie with juuuuuuust a teeny tiny scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side


D. Day of choice? Any day that I am NOT working.....if I have to choose one, I would go with Saturday.



E. Essential item? clean underwear


F. Favorite color? PURPLE - absolutely LOVE it!

G. Gummy bears or worms? Gummy Bears - preferably the Haribo brand. I was in my 9th grade Spanish class when I was introduced to these delectable chewy treats


H. Hometown? born and raised in Greendale, WI (a suburb outside of Milwaukee). Greendale is referred to as "The Bubble"

I. Indulgence? if we are talking about food/drinks, it would have to be either a turtle sundae or an iced caramel machiatto with extra caramel from Starbucks. Objects - hands down tennis shoes!!!!!!!!! I love them, I love all of the FUN colors that they come in, I love how comfy they are, I love matching my tennis shoes with my outfits. I absolutely LOVE them!


J. January or July? July no question! I really can't believe that I have lived in the state of WI my entire life because I hate cold weather!


K. Kids? None but I LOVE everyone else's


L. Life isn’t complete without? sunshine, a cup of coffee in the morning, a great book, laughter

M. Marriage date? N/A


N. Number of brothers & sisters? 2 brothers and no sisters


O. Oranges or apples? Apples (especially the ones loaded with gooey caramel and nuts). There's nothing like biting into a crisp, tart caramel apple on a gorgeous fall day


P. Phobias? not a big fan of germs (slightly OCD), not a huuuuge fan of bugs and creepy crawly things, a bit scared at times of being in high places, afraid of the dark big time


Q. Quotes? can't think of anything right now...........O.K. I just thought of one but I was hoping to come up with something more philosophical......"There is no I in team". Oh wait, a former colleague of mine had a great one...."Don't do dumb things" Charles Camilli

R. Reasons to smile? hearing the sound of children's laughter, watching the sun go down, spending time with my nephews and my niece, seeing a "cute, little grandma lady" walking down the street


S. Season of choice? Summer....no work, vacations, lazy days, sleeping in, relaxing with a good book, hanging out with friends

T. Tag seven peeps! don't have 7 bloggy friends (sorry)

U. Unknown fact about me? I would love to own an antique car so I could drive in parades and throw candy to kids

V. Vegetable? Sweet buttery corn-on-the-cob dripping with butter and sprinkled with salt

W. Worst habits? Putting off things that I HATE to do for what seems like forever, I am a "pack rat", my inability to get rid of things (especially clothes, the 1 year rule does not apply to me...I'm operating under the 10 year rule!)

X. X-ray or ultrasound? Huh????? I've had both done. Anything else you need to know about them??

Y. Your favorite food? breaded pork chops, cheese pizza from this awesome pizza place in Chicago (I cannot remember the name but I know you know which place I'm talkin' 'bout)


Z. Zodiac Sign: Leo

There you go! Anything else you want to know about me?????? :)

Unconditional Love

This past week I "cat sat" for a friend of mine. She and her family went on a vacation up to Door County (for those of you that have never heard of Door County, it is an hour or so past Green Bay. If you've never heard of Green Bay, then you'll have to consult your nearset atlas). Judy and her family recently rescued 2 cats from an animal shelter. They had to put their other cat down a few months ago. I really don't think that their last cat really was a cat - it more closely resembled a small lion to me. It was a Maine Coone cat. Henry (may he Rest In Peace) was a seriously LARGE cat who, had I not known that he WAS a cat, I would have been getting on the horn to call the zoo to see if one of their lions had escaped! Anyway......I digress! To be completely honest with you, I would not classify myself as an animal lover. I never had any pets growing up so I never had the opportunity to gain a true appreciation for animals and all that they can provide for their owners. As the week went by, I noticed myself becoming more and more attached to these furry critters. I looked forward to stopping by each day to feed them and "visit" with them. I found it harder and harder each day to leave the house. These 2 cats would come by me the minute I opened the door and followed me around the house wherever I went. I can see why people are animal lovers - I could ALMOST become one. The thing that I realized this past week was that the cats were so loving and I had just "met" them. It amazed me to see the love and appreciation that they showed me. As I reflect upon my trip to Guatemala, one of the things that stands out most in my mind was the unconditional love that the children at the school showed to me and the rest of our team. These children were not afraid to reach out a hand our offer us a hug the whole time that we were there. To see that expression of love to a group of strangers was AMAZING to witness!!! Seeing God work in and through these children and the impact that they had on me personally is almost indescribable! As I ponder what to continue writing in this post, the thing that stands out in my mind is that I am truly amazed at the gift of unconditional love. This is somewhat of a foreign concept to me. As a child, I always felt that I had to earn the love of my father by excelling in school, performing well on the volleyball or basketball court or on the softball diamond and flying under the radar/not getting in trouble. Being the youngest of 3 children (and the only girl), I quickly learned what to do and what not to do. I tried to be the PERFECT child. I was by no means perfect but my brother referred to me more than once as "Goody Two Shoes". I equated my actions with love (or lack there of). My father rarely told me that he loved me or that he was proud of me. So often after a sporting competition, I felt that I had disappointed my father because I didn't do EVERYTHING right (my father was my harshest critic, next to myself of course). These experiences have carried over into my adult life which have directly impacted my personal relationships. I am extremely cautious and have a fear of getting too close to people. In the back of my mind, I always wonder whether I am worthy of another person's love. My friends will tell me that they love me but there is always a hint of doubt in my mind.....do they REALLY love me???? If "X,Y or Z" happens, will they STILL love me???? Looking back on my life, I wonder aloud, "Do I love children so much because they show unconditional love?" "Was it so difficult to leave Guatemala related to the fact that these children that I had only met 2 days ago were so willing to show their love and affection to a stranger?" "Am I a "closet" animal lover because they display unconditional love? When I think about my relationship with God, it is so comforting to know that God loves each and every one of us, flaws and all. No matter what I say or do, God's love is unfailing. God knows everything about me and He STILL loves me - imagine that! Psalm 136: 1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, His love endures forever." May you rest in the fact that you are loved by God! (P.S. My apologies for not spacing this post adequately. I have NO idea what is wrong with my "ENTER" key and quite frankly, I don't want to know. It just better work next time that I want to blog! Note to self, pressing down harder on the keys does NOT help with said problem!)

All Good Things......

All good things must come to an end. Every year at this point in summer, the feeling of dismay sets in. Where did the summer go??? How can it be August 19th already??? Didn't I just finish the 2007-08 school year??? What have I spent the last 10 weeks doing????

As I reflect back over the months, week by week, I have been busy yet have managed to find time to rest and relax. It's very easy to get caught up in the busyness of all that summer has to offer.....vacations, Summerfest, ethnic festivals, Brewer games, biking, golfing, going to the beach, concerts in the park, spending time with family and friends, reading, etc..........

What have I done?? Where have I been??? Where has the time gone????

- a week spent in Door County with my family which included: golfing, biking, hiking through Peninsula State Park, shopping, playing with my nephews, reading

- 10 days spent in Guatemala with a short-term mission team from my church: what an incredible, life-changing, memorable, indescribable opportunity of a life-time!

- a weekend spent with my college friends in a condo at Lake Delton (it was surreal to see green grass and dirt where the lake once was!). We spent the time catching up, sharing photos of recent travels, looking at the most recent pics of everyone's kids, canoeing on the Wisconsin River and relaxing

- 4 days spent hanging out with my friend from Pennsylvania and her whole family: cooking out, going to the state fair, talking about "old" times, laughing

- the remaining time was spent enjoying the company of friends over a cup of coffee, lunch or dinner, working outside, reading (surprisingly not as much as I normally do), staying up late every night to watch the Olympics, blogging, doing sudoku (I think I'm addicted to it), going to a few Brewer games and doing my best to avoid the infamous "Favre" drama that captured the football world (ughhhhhhhhh - can we PLEASE move on?????).

All good things must come to an end. Hope you had a great summer!