Mom

Kind, compassionate, thoughtful, encouraging, funny, loving, supportive, protector, provider, great listener and most importantly, best friend. These are just a few of the many words that I could use to describe my mom. I had one of the best relationships a daughter could have with a mom and for that I am grateful. I could go to my mom for anything and everything and know that I would still be loved unconditionally, regardless of what it was that I had done. Good, bad or indifferent, my mom stood by my side through it all. I could not have asked for a better parent. I loved spending time with my mom because we had so much fun together whether it was going out to lunch, shopping at the mall, watching a movie that we both balled our eyes out at, driving around at Christmastime looking at all the brightly decorated houses or sitting down and enjoying a mocha from the local coffee shop.

How I long for those days.......I would give anything to have one last opportunity to take a drive through the park or down to the lakefront and enjoy a conversation with my mom. I can picture us doing that as if it was yesterday. Unfortunately, it wasn't yesterday. Our last car ride together was approximately six years ago. Tears well up in my eyes and a lump still forms in my throat when I think of all of the things that I did with my mom but can no longer do because she is no longer with me. While the pain is not so fresh and gut-wrenching anymore, a huge part of me died that Easter morning six years ago.

I still get a queasy, uneasy feeling whenever I go to a hospital now. I can still remember the exact smell of her hospital room in the I.C.U. The smell reminds me of death and takes me instantly back to the final hours, minutes and seconds of her life. We sat in her hospital room and waited for my mom to take her very last breath. I couldn't believe that her life was actually over. Who would have thought that that very day would have been her last??? That's the thing about death...we're never, ever prepared for it whether it's expected or sudden, whether the person is young or old. It just happens and in an instant our lives are forever changed.

You never really get over the loss of a loved one. There will forever be a huge hole in my heart because of the loss of my mom. While I have moved on in my life (something that I thought that I would NEVER be able to do), the fact that my mom is not around to share in my joys as well as my sorrows is still very difficult to deal with. With today being Mother's Day, I still have a tough time dealing with the fact that I don't have my mom here on earth with me. I am comforted by the fact that I will meet up again with her in heaven. I envision my mom right now flitting around in heaven with a long white robe on with wings that take her wherever she wants to go. There is no more pain and suffering. No more frustration with my dad and no more feeling as if she is a burden to our family.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you and MISS you but I know that you are in a BETTER place!